“Soulmates”

Originally posted: Friday, September 21, 2007


“Soulmates”
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Romance and Relationships

I’ve been asked a couple of times now what I meant when I said ...
“I believe in soulmates, but not in the traditional sense”

“Wha?” You say

Well, lemme tell you.

I used to believe in the “one” soulmate that was somehow magically made for you... your other half, your “split apart” your “lobster”

I met my first husband while walking into a bar and grill for happy hour with some girlfriends.

I was walking in, he was walking out.

As as we passed there was something about him that made me want to know more.... it was something that I couldn’t ignore... it was that strong....

And before all of you start thinking or start mumbling to yourselves things like... “Well yeah you thought he was hot, or it had been a while or it was lust etc.”.. let me just say that while I did think he was attractive, it wasn’t that. I had seen plenty o f attractive men but none had evoked this I must meet this person, he/she is supposed to be in my life one way or another, for a couple of minutes or maybe a lifetime, who knows... all I know is I must meet this person

So I got his attention, and we set up a date. We ended up getting married 2 years later.

If you would’ve asked me then I would have told you I met my one and only “soul mate”.

Now?

Well yes, he was someone that was supposed to be in my life, someone I have learned from, but he was not meant to be in my life forever.

I sometimes wonder if I had not believed in that kind of one and only soul mate when I met him... would I have stayed as long as I did in a very volatile, abusive relationship?

I love the idea of a one and only soul mate.

I also love the idea of unicorns.

You see I do believe we have soul mates around us.. those people that you click with automatically before you even strike up a conversation, or the first time you spend time together you are so comfortable around them.. energized and peaceful all at once.

Looking at relationships and friendships what I have come to believe is that I have soul mates in my life that I know will, at least in some capacity, be in my life forever. All of these relationships are friendships. A few men, but mostly women... women seem to want to control me less.

I know it’s my perspective (cuz really what else am I going to base a belief on?) but I have not seen very many “love” relationships that have stood the test of time and are still good relationships. I know of plenty that have fallen apart, plenty that are married and feel trapped or are so miserable to each other it seems they’ve forgotten their real life goal and decided there new one is “I’m gonna force this relationship to last no matter what, I don’t care how miserable she/he makes me or I them DAMMIT! I will not give up!”

I also know of a handful of “love” relationships that have lasted and should last and unless something drastic happens they will last.

The common thing in these relationships?

Love does not tie you to someone, it bonds you to them. It is not necessarily forever. It is a choice to continue to be together as long as you are adding to their life instead of subtracting from it. There is no fear that they will leave you for someone else, or that just because you love them they are somehow now your possession. It almost all of these strong relationships I see a solid mutually respectful friendship, first. A respect for that person that for some reason seems to get lost in a “love” relationship and replaced with a sense of owe-nership.. no that’s not a spelling error.

I mean it in the sense that it seems that once it becomes a “love” relationship there is a sense that if you give your love to someone that other person now somehow owes you something... their love back, their freedom to make choices you don’t agree with, their freedom to be away from you, to spend time with other people, to watch certain tv shows, music choices, to behave the way you want them to, and think like you do.

In “friendships” it doesn’t seem this “owe-nership” exists. You continue to see this person autonomous of yourself, and you respect and like that fact.... I have never had a friendship that has so many restrictive rules, and it seems most “love” relationships come with an abundance of them.

So do Soul mates exist?

Yep... if you allow them to keep their own soul instead of gripping onto it so tightly you choke it....