Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Doing what I believe is right. Definitely Not Easy

I'm not sure how to even start this.

It's funny, the thing I need to write about, that I think people need to know about is proving to be the hardest to write.


Well, I guess because first of all it was horrifying.

And second of all there are some out there (“friends” of this person) that will say it's an exaggeration, that's their opinion. This is mine. It's the truth. The UGLY truth. And I guess that's why it's so important that people know about it.

Well, here goes... My record of what happened.

One horribly hot weekend crap went down.

You could blame it on the weather.

You could blame it on emotions out of control. Or as I was told "On actors being dramatic, and you know this man is very dramatic."

Hell you could blame it on whatever you want, it doesn't change the facts. Or the illogical violent reaction that manifested that night.

I was talking to someone I had considered a friend once upon a time and disagreeing with his actions. I told him I thought he was treating an employee differently because of his relationship with her, and letting him know this employee had told me she has "his ear, and can get him to do anything she wants." Not raising my voice, but you know, being an adult about it, talking things out.

I was met with physical violence. With him hitting the the wall of our green room and shaking the metal steps that lead up to them so violently they bounced up and down off of the ground. He didn't know it, like most cowards and bullys he thought we were alone.

There were 3 people in the green room, which rocked a bit when he was shaking the steps. They heard him screaming at me and then the first thud.

They were sure that it was my head hitting the wall, "because that's how violent it sounded".

They tried to get outside, but when he was shaking the steps, the door jammed.

What was I doing during all of this?

Well I was trying to walk away as fast as possible. Which isn't very fast since I had an air cast on my foot. I was trying to get into our car.

He was still screaming "Fuck you! Get the fuck away from me, get the fuck out of here!"

Um, hello? You bat shit crazy man, I’m walking AWAY from you as you’re screaming at the top of your lungs throwing a violent tantrum.

"Grow up" was my response.

He was still coming after me fists clenched, screaming.

I walked past some of his friends on the way to the car, and one was screaming "Punch em! Punch em!"

Yep, he keeps great people around. Doesn't seem to matter what's on the inside, as long as you're young and beautiful on the outside. There are people that have worked with him for 19 years that he doesn't know... because they don't fall into his radar... I used to think that was a bunch of crap, until I opened my eyes and really watched things the last 3 years.

So she was screaming to “punch em”... and the "em" she was referring to was me and the man who ultimately stopped this person from getting a hold of me.

As I was walking away and he was continuing to come after me, his friend got in between us. He shoved her aside so hard she fell to the ground. (She has since denied she was actually shoved, even though there was a voice mail saying something to the effect “I wasn’t hit, I was shoved, but I’m fine.”)

She used to be a friend of mine as well. I hold no hard feelings against her. I feel bad of course. I don't understand how you could continue to support someone after witnessing what happened and actually being a casualty of it. But to each their own. Let go and move forward I guess.

It is my belief this person did not stop coming after me of his own free will... he was stopped by someone jumping up on a bench in between this person and I (as my back was still turned heading towards the car) and told him to "Knock it off!"

His friend then grabbed him and started pulling him back and he was still screaming "Get her the fuck out of here" .... at this time one of the people in the green room was out and standing on the steps. He grabbed the stairs and shook them again while the person from the green room was standing on them.

"He looked right through me, and was so focused on you, it was like an animal tracking his prey." the person on the steps told me later.

I reported this incident to the lawyers that work for that company that following Tuesday morning.

I was going to call the police because of the violence he demonstrated. I didn’t, out of some weird sense of “we used to be friends” syndrome.

I fully believe that if he wasn't stopped by a man he wouldn't have stopped until he beat the crap out of me. I had to continue to work 3 more weekends knowing I would see him out there.

It seems like he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He went to dinner that night with more of his "friends".

I went home and called the people involved to make sure they were ok.

It took me awhile to admit to myself that I was afraid, I kept telling myself I was just angry. I knew deep down inside if I admitted fear what would happen. I've been down that road before with an abusive boyfriend.

I finally admitted it that monday evening, and it happened just like I knew it would... uncontrollable shaking, tears, and I jumped at any odd noise. Locking and triple checking things were locked. After all this person knows where I live.

I went to target and I caught myself looking over my shoulder constantly... I realized I was looking out for him.

I can't believe what transpired. He seemed out of control. As of right now he still holds the position he has had the last 7 years there. Even though he sent me a text not 15 minutes after he was threatening me to inform me he had resigned.

I didn't respond to the text, I didn't want anything to do with this person ever again. I still don't. But I thought to myself; Good, that’s exactly what you should do, resign.

We have mutual friends that say "Oh... just sit down and talk it out, it'll all be fine."


I mean really?

The dude tried to hit me. And if that wasn't his intent you sure as hell fooled me, the three people in the green room, one person across the way in another green room, the two men (whom I wish I knew how to contact) that were standing across the road by the booths who came running to see what all the commotion and screaming was about. His friend felt the need to get in-between us, why would you bother, if you didn’t think there was a physical threat? So yes. it’s my “perception” But you tell me if you would think any differently?

When I left my husband who threatened to hit me all of my friends supported that. Why is this different? I will never be in a room with this man ever again.

My partner in life, didn't want me to involve anyone in this situation because he considers himself friends of this mans wife and he didn’t want her to suffer because of her husbands actions. I told him "You know what? IF you would have done what he did, I would call you on your shit so fast and I would be done with you."

"I would NEVER do that." he said. (He is the most caring person I've met, always thinking of others, and trying to see all sides, and that's just what he was doing at this moment....he is very supportive don't worry)

"I know. That's why I'm with you, but do you see what I mean?"

"Yeah, I just don't want to hurt her."

“Nobody does” I echoed, and felt that familiar feeling grow.

Oh... that.... ugly, messed up guilt feeling.

I felt guilty. I felt guilty that the people that witnessed this and stood up for me might not be offered contracts again.

I felt guilty my partner might not be offered a contract again.

I felt guilty for the fear the people in the trailer must’ve felt when it was rocking and being hit.

I felt guilty for doing what I believe is the right thing.

For voicing what this person had done.


There was only one player in this.

One person that needs to own all of that guilt.

Do I think he ever will?


Am I going to use all legal measures available to make sure he doesn't get to do this to anyone else? You bet your ass I am. Not because I don’t like him, or “just because” I’m afraid of him.. it’s bigger than that.

No one should ever feel as frightened, as I did. No one should ever fear bodily harm in their work place. EVER.

I've lost some people in my life because of this event. But all it has done is weeded out true friends from false. I also know that because this person has most of the control to the amount of money that people are paid out there, that there are those who are too afraid to speak out. They want to remain safe in what others have dubbed The Cult of Personality.

I get it.

I am not that person.

So, if I am not asked back, or if this person still holds the position he currently has, I will say goodbye to a chapter in my life, and that will be ok.

I have no regrets for the actions I have taken. The steps I have taken to make sure that this behavior is not accepted, is not ok, and hopefully won't happen to anyone else at his hands EVER.

I also am trying to be a good role model for my daughter who has dealt with bullys at her school.

You stand up for yourself. And for others. Period.

(So I’ve been told that all of this is my perception. That it wasn’t really his intent to cause physical harm to me.)

I ask you this then:

Why then would you shake metal steps violently, punch things, raise your clenched fists, throw a bench? (throwing the bench I did not see, but heard about later) If not to demonstrate, “Hey, see what damage I’m doing to this? Yeah, this could be you.”

Why would two people who were witnesses to this feel the need to get in between him and I?

It seems it was also their perception he was about to cause me physical harm.

I’m not sure what I am going to do at this point. I don’t agree with things the way they are. I don’t believe someone should be able to keep their job after demonstrating violence such as this.

I also am not the kind of person to just quietly disappear. This was wrong. This needs to be dealt with, and not with just a “Mr._______, what you did was wrong, don’t do that again.” (that blank isn't actually well technically a swear word... I guess maybe to me it is now)

I believe he will make life hell for me when/if I am in employment there again.

I guess I say this.

Bring it.

I’ve dealt with cowardly bullys like him before. I will do my job, and I will do it well and professionally just like always. I am not so fragile bullys like him can break me.

Am I afraid he will attempt retribution, or if I run into him while I am alone that he won’t try to threaten or react physically again?


Will fear stop me from doing what's right?