Playin na Durt!

My souveniers from fest this year.

All right.

Back at work 2 days.. still feel pretty much like shit.
Stopped pooping, still feel like puking...
........ Mark you suck.

I feel a little more empty this year at the end of fest, cuz I didn’t get to play the hardest the last day, I hardly got to play at all.
I didn’t get to watch the closing gate, hear the speaches or watch the fire... the emptiness usually felt is only amplified by the sounds I did not hear.

I am dealing with a bacterial infection in my tummy and intestines... TMI?
Hey I didn’t tell you the gory details.
I am drained because of that I’m sure, and I am also pretty positive that’s affecting my outlook on things...

It’s hard to think happy when yo’ feelin’ crappy!

Anywho....
I really got to focus on fest this year because I knew my boo was taken care of, and it allowed me to actually stay in the moment and dive into my character.
Funny.
It’s like every show I’ve ever done.... and like every director always says...
“By the last show you’ll be ready to start.”
It’s when it’s all coming together, really getting on a roll, and it ends... maybe it’s all about “leave them wanting more”
I want more.

I want more.

I want more!

I am really humbled and honored to have won the “Late Bloomer” award...
I know who has won it before me, and I strive to be as good. I am humbled.
I still strive to be as good.
I am honored my peers believe in me. I love what I do out there, and as most of my close friends know I pour myself heart and soul into it.

I want more.

I have tons of people to thank as well and I’m not sure if should list them one by one and what they’ve personally done or just write.

I guess we’ll see what happens.

I was driving home from work yesterday, the first day back since last friday when I was looking forward to the last weekend of festival.
And as I was driving home, I was thinking everything through.
What I have to do: unpack, wash, clean, store my stuff, and a part of me away for another 10.5 months.
I felt a little suffocated at the moment. You know the feeling you get... your throat starts to tighten, you notice your holding your breath, and it’s almost like if you let that breath out you won’t get another.

Now this might seem a little extreme if you’re thinking “All that because the Renaissance Festival is over?”

But you see it’s not just that.

It’s putting away a part of myself that is core. That is my light, my energy, my faerie dust.
It’s putting away a bunch of friends that even though you say “Really this year, let’s keep in touch.” you know it won’t happen. Why? Because there’s no way you could possibly have enough time to spend with that many people if we weren’t all in one place, like we are at fest, and still be with your friends and family you (or at least I) don’t see until it’s over. Peoples hearts are in the right place when they say it, it’s just life that gets in the way sometimes.
It’s putting away moments that are so amazing, and so insanely what life should be on a daily basis, but isn’t.
And I’m pretty sure that it’s not just me...
But it’s putting away the ability to come up with something daily, hourly, in fact every minute..... just for the soul purpose of making someone laugh. That is my “job” when I’m there. I wish that was my job for real.. not just seven weekends out of the year.

The closer to home I got, the tighter my throat got.

I started to force myself to think of what I filled my time with before... just seven short weekends before... and it seemed like an eternity ago. Some place that I had passed and was being pulled back to kicking and screaming much like my 2 year old does when she wants to play outside and we need to go inside....

“NO!”

I thought of my friend Mary.
She always made me smile, we were always on the same wave length. We always had a great time when we were together, no matter what. Silly, smart, funny, creative, amazing Mary.
She’s in Las Vegas.

fuck.

I felt a little more alone.

I pulled into the driveway.

“I wanna playin na durt.”

“Oh boo, mama’s still sick hun... let’s watch a movie.”

“NO! MAMA! I wanna playin na durt.”

“hang on boo, mama’s sick... let me get the mail, I’ll get you out, we’ll go inside and watch a movie.”

“NO!” few tears.. “I wanna playin na durt mama!”

I was frustrated, I wanted to feel good enough to play with her outside, but I felt like shit.
I got out of the car and went to the mailbox (5 steps away) and there sat a little bit of faerie dust... staring me in the face.

It was a letter from Miss Mary Mac.

It’s strange how the world works somedays.

She wrote to tell me she missed me.
The very thing I was telling her in my thoughts not minutes ago. It was almost as if she heard me and her letter appeared in response.

“My forever friend Linda (at least if I have something to say aobut it)....
You are a kindred spirit and that is what keeps me feeling close to you so very far away.”

is her opening line....

And I cried.

I was missing festival, missing friends, missing her specifically, and she was there.
She was and is always there.

So as I packed up my stuff ( well more like shoved it all into one corner of my office) and washed what was wet so it didn’t mold. I realized I wasn’t putting away my friends or my experiences.
They are always there.

Sometimes I need to call out to them to hear me,
and other times I can just use the phone. ;-)

But they are there.
Kindred Spirits.
Forever Friends.
Forever Memories.

And I took my boo outside “to playin na durt” as crappy as I felt...
my boo and I were in the present...
and I was making her laugh...
“playin na durt”