There's this saddness about

Today is sad.

There is this overwhelming heaviness in the air.
There are a multitude of things happening with my co-workers, but nothing specifically sad happening directly in my life.

There is a girl at work who found out her dad is dying of cancer. The Dr.'s have given him 6 - 12months to live. I get a lump in my throat everytime I think of it. I can't imagine what she is going through, much less figure out how to make it better, other than trying to make her laugh.

Another girls dog just died. It was 15 years old, so she's saying goodbye to a longtime friend.

And T just went out on maternity leave.... for a year! That should be happy, but she will be missed daily here at work... she has a great sense of humor.

So here we are... at work, everyone's extremely quiet, with this heaviness pressing.... something I can physically feel on my heart, and in my throat.

I want to get up and shake my ass, just to break the tension.
But I won't.
I will sit here quietly and listen to my ipod, and think of better things...

Furniture Finds & Failures & the odd msg from interested man....

So...
I moved.

Sold my old furniture and bought new, and it's taking a while to get used to the new stuff, but I'm sure it will be lovely!

Question.

Have you ever bought something and then not wanted it anymore? But still kept it anyway because of the "Minnesota Nice" or just the "Awwwww. *uck it" attitude hits?

So.. I LOVE Craigslist. I have sold things there, spent some time laughing my ass off at the "Best of Lists" and recently just bought something off of there... a futon. Yes, folks there wasn't even a picture listed, but I called the guy he described it and I said I'd take it! I just needed to find transportation on account of my beloved VW Beetle ownership.

Now I'm not sure if it can be classified as an impulse buy because I have been wanting to purchase one for a while for my new "office" at my new apt. but I'm thinking that since I didn't even bother to look at it... it must be falling somewhere close to this category.

(SIDE NOTE: Dude that asked me out is just calling now....hmmmm... not going to answer... will update if he leaves a msg.)

I agreed to purchase said futon last Friday. Futon owner called last night to see when I was picking it up. Now, the girl I was going to borrow the truck from has broken it, so I started to think all right forget it.. I'll call the guy and say I'm going to pass on the futon. Then my consience kicked in and the words "you'll take it? OK! I'll remove the post from Craigslist right now!" rang loudly in my head.

SHIT! That would not be cool....

So I answered, explained I don't have a way to transport it, and he offered to deliver it for $20 bucks. Fair price.. I live in hicksville after all.

(SIDE NOTE UPDATE: Msg: "Hi Linda this is D....Just calling to see if you had a good day, and I'm looking forward to seeing you soon.")

So I'm getting mysterious, unseen futon delivered to my door around 6:30pm... hope it hasn't been peed on or anything. Hmmm.. now that I'm thinking of things like that... hope it hasn't been slept on by "Mr./Ms. Super Sexy Player" and has enough DNA on it to populate a small town... like... well, hicksville or anything... EWWWWWW!

Can you clean futon mattresses?

I'll have to drink on that one... I mean, THINK on that one.

Awwwww *UCK IT!

Jump with or without the Parachute?

I wonder if guys think about first dates at all.
Well, past the thought of if they're going to "get some" or not anyway.

I think girls might just think about first dates way too much!

This question comes up because I was asked out by someone neither myself or my friends know at all.
Out of the blue, this very attractive man saw me, sought me out and asked very politely if he could call.

Now first dates can go either way, and there is usually some nervous tension even if you've known the person through other friends or talked to each other a few times before hand. But in situations like this, there are a few more random thoughts that pop into a girls head.
Like in my head at this moment:
Wow, that was intense... was it too intense? But damn he's cute!
He's called twice in 24 hours.... does he have issues? (He likes me... he really likes me) (OMG I think I puked a little)
I wonder if he always does this? (See's someone and zeroes in on them this strongly)
Wow.. I'm thinking about this way too much....do I have issues? :-P


OR

Am I too apprehensive?
If this was earlier in my dating life I would be ecstatic... I would be lost in his eyes, and the thought of such a strong connection.. the intensity of the moment we met.... Ahhh... the romance

BLEH!

Having been disillusioned, or perhaps brought into reality by a few previous experiences, here I sit...too much time on my hands and I think.

Then there's the whole "safety" issue... driving and meeting him there so I'm not in the car alone with him, cuz really... I DON'T KNOW HIM. And lets face it, I seem to meet some pretty off the wall people..it's the vibe. But all in all it's a good vibe, my life has been an interesting ride so far, and I'd hate to lose that.

So, if I were a guy.. (guys feel free to input your thoughts) I would be thinking nothing more of his cute little ass.
No, that's not fair... the whole Basic Instinct thing is out there isn't it? And most guys I've met usually have one psycho stalker chic story to share... so I guess it 's a dating thing then.

I'll stop thinking and jump.. in my cute little dress that I'll wear for the date, I'll jump without my parachute.. cuz after all... that's how I like to do things!... um.... at least I think I do..!?!?

As the Sun Burns....

Update from yesterdays post.... thought the Soap Opera Reference was called for.

As I approached the receptionists desk with dread I felt a little unconnected to my body.
"Hi, Linda Clayton to see Dr. Lebine"

The two receptionist sitting behind the desk look at each other as if to say, "are you going to get this one, or what?".
After a short stare off, the one that lost says In a high pitched exasperated voice "I don't see your name, what time was the appointment for?"

"1:20"

"TODAY?"

"Yes, today."

"When did you schedule it? Do you have your slip?"

"I scheduled it about a month and a half ago, and since I did it over the phone, no, I don't have my 'slip'."

"Well, I'm not seeing you....

(and I think..."Bitch, I'm right here, you don't have to be so rude.")

With another exasperated sigh she huffs "Did you talk to a nurse or a receptionists?"

Are you for real? Ok, remain composure, on top of being nervous I manage to stay calm.

"I don't know, whomever answered the phone that day."

"Well you're not in the computer"

NO SHIT! I'm right here... in a place that I didn't want to come to in the first place, and now that I've taken a half day off of work, you're going to tell me that your schedule is off and I'm not in the computer!!!!
Ok.. breathe Linda.. you'll get farther if you are nice... the whole flies with sugar thing... bleh...

I explain how hard it would be to reschedule, and ask if there's anyway I could still get in, and finally we come up with the solution of I will be fit into the schedule but all the people that are in the computer go before me.

"Do you have any idea how long it could be.. I have to be back in hicksville by 3:15 for another appt....?"

Out of no where (well over my right shoulder and a little to the right) a came a voice...

"She can have my appointment, it's at 1:30"

I turned my head with my mouth open in awe of the random act of kindness from a complete stranger.
There sat the stereotypical sweet little old lady... Gray hair pulled up in a bun, silver thin rimmed glasses, rosy cheeks and sweet smile both hands clutching her pocketbook on her lap.
I stumbled over my words of thanks, stunned by her kindness, and struck up a conversation to try to see if there was something I could give back.
It turns out she owns a B&B in St. Cloud and has a website but it isn't showing up in the search engines very easily... now, I do graphic design, but I am dumb when it comes to websites. I told her I thought it might have something to do with how her description is in her site. I do however have a friend who does know some stuff about websites, and I would get her in touch. I gave her my number, as my name was being called for the appointment... her appointment, and left her in the waiting room, hoping I could repay her favor.

Back to the harsh reality of my visit.

The nurse comes in, throws me a gown, and I get undressed, and wait... in my cold little hospital gown and my cotton thong...trying not to think of what was to come.

They're going to cut me.
(yes, I'm a wimp)

Dr. LeBine enters with an assistant, and starts the search, and thank god he didn't start the lecture.
He found 3 areas he wants to cut out, he circles them, leaves and the nurse injects me with numbing agent... he comes back in, and starts to cut. God I hate that feeling. I can feel his hands on my skin around the area he's going to cut, and then this odd, pressure. I know that he is cutting deep into my skin and there is blood and it should be hurting instead of this... odd, numb, scraping I'm feeling, and I'm not sure what would be worse at this point.
I must say one of the areas was a little awkward as his head was, well, um.. in between my thighs. Now I've had some shall we say less than great experiences in that position, but this was definitely the worst experience I've ever had in that position, and maybe it's just me, but I couldn't help but think about a better reason for his head to be there.... maybe it was a coping mechanism... or maybe I need more sex in my life... :-P ANYWAY....
By the time he gets to the third spot, I feel a little nauseous, and a tad shakey....the nurse bandages me up, he lectures me to take care of the areas, come back in 6 months unless pathology shows bad news, and he's out the door. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am.. yep, his head should have been there for a better reason!!!!

So now I wait... I take care of the bandages, and wait for 2 weeks for the results.

I HATE waiting.

And there's no one who can switch appointments with me on this one.

Nervous...

Today I have to leave work... in about 5min... to get cut up.... YIKES!!!!!

I was a massive sun worshiper when I was a teenager up till about the age of 26... and I'm paying for it now.
I'm supposed to go every six months to get checked, cuz two years ago they found 2 pre-cancerous spots.

I haven't been back, but I'm going today, and I'm dreading it.

I will post more tonight.

Take care of U

I have something precious in my life.
Actually I have quite a few precious things in my life... and in my opinion I am richer than Bill Gates.

I was dumb this last weekend, and in my enthusiasm and determination to try to be the best I can at every moment, I ended up being the worst.

On Saturday I was ready to play for the day... ready to try new bits, to take advantage of every opportunity that came my way. If someone asked me to do something I did it, instead of doing what my body was asking me to do.... drink water, and eat.
Well, we all know how that works.....
I ended up making myself sick, from the heat, and no love to the bod.....

It started with a headache so bad, I felt like my teeth were pulsing... I made my way backstage, and was met with support and concern of many people, to which I immediately felt like a fool... I KNEW BETTER, I just didn't act on it... I kept saying to myself... "I'll get there, I'll eat in a minute, get water in a minute...." So from headache to dizziness to nausea... the games began. And my friends were on my side.

David, Ken, Ernesto, Mykl, SS guys, YOU ROCK! Sorry if I was rude to the SS guys, but really, I didn't want to/need to be hauled accross the site in a cab... I was embarrassed enough already! I know you were just trying to do your job, and I was being a snot... or stubborn, or whatever you want to call it, but I do thank you.

David, the rumors flying yet? I'm going wreck them now... sorry... :-P
You have know idea how much you staying by my side meant... not that I was scared of being alone... but just a soft place to lay my head, and and even softer voice to tell me stories until I was better.... it's something I will never forget. "Security Bucket!"

I was overwhelmed with the love, caring and support of all of my friends... and yes... even the harsh "I'm so furious with you right now, I can't even speak" said through a shakey voice while your eyes spoke volumes, sticks in my head, and I know that you are my best/true friend.
Orley I have great love and respect for you, you are one of the strongest most amazing people I have ever met... you love hard, (get your minds outta the gutter boys) you are the best friend a person could ask for. And I am grateful for the day you appeared in my life, I know we've said it before, but what DID we do before we were friends? :-P I love you.

The yell of "LINDA!" as you opend the door and the light spilled in the room of the dark recesses known as J's trailer...made me cringe just a little, but smile even more... you heard, and came to my rescue! Yelled at me to drink every 5 minutes...Marian you ROCK! You always take care of me... and I love you too.. I love how you can alwas seem to make me laugh no matter what.

Ms. Peggy... "I see you baby... shakin' dat ass..." Not only checking on me Saturday but hunting me down on Sunday to make sure I've eaten and drank...well... thank you! You are too cool for words, and you too my dear are funny as hell! I'm glad I've gotten to know you better this last year!

I really don't mean to be so damn sappy... but the amount of caring and people that asked how I was, made me realize how freaking rich I really am, and I feel like I need to show some gratitude... it's the LEAST I can do.

Plus it's also very easy to focus on what we don't have in our lives and not notice what we do have.

I got home Sunday night and was met at the new apt. door with shrieks of "MOMMY! MOMMY!" as my boo's face completely lit up, and she jumped about 2 feet towards me, but wasn't moving fast enough so took off at a full run towards me and jumped into my arms saying "I lau you mommy!" tipped her head back to give me a kiss looked at me and said "mommy you duerty... face duerty... shurt duerty... ooh no, oh pants duerty... uh... oooohhh... feet duerty...mama showder...'mon mama... showder"

Hmmmm... even my two year old takes better care of me than I do!

sleepy short post

Photo by Chris Nash

I squished my boobs
I made some laugh
I got some hugs
I broke my ass

the End,
no wait..
the begining

Oh My God the Butterflies!

As I sit at work and try very hard to be interested in my co-workers chit chat, I am distracted by the butterflies in my stomach...

Thoughts of dust, blisters, sore feet, port-a-potties that turn into stench saunas in the scorching heat, mud-puddles, parking in a gravel pit with my precious VW Bug are running through my head.
Things that should make me cringe bring a smile, well no... more like a smirk to my face.

Over the last month a field with dilapidated buildings has begun to breathe with new life and energy. It has been waking slowly, with more and more frequent visitors, each bringing something different to these grounds. Some bring much needed repairs, others bring excitement and enthusiasm, some bring amazing creativity and some even bring fear and hate. But yet they come.

Saturday morning will start very early for me, and at this point I am wondering how much sleep I will get Friday night. I feel like a kid getting ready for summer camp. I can't wait to see all my old friends. I can't wait to see if there's new friendships to be made. I am not packed, I don't have all of my props ready yet, I need to make last minute repairs on my costume...
OH GOD THE BUTTERFLIES!!!

I have cried out there, I have laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants, I have drank way too much and switched clothes with someone and then pretended we were each other (made sense half of a liter into ginger brandy), I have made people laugh, made children believe in faeries, made them believe they could be great artists, I met my very best friends out there, I have fallen in love, into hate, and back out again. I have watched in awe at the amazing talents that are out there, I have sang songs and been held by them at the Irish Cottage, I have ran naked by the light of the moon confident and embarrassed all at the same time, I have smoked from the hooka!
OH GOD THE BUTTERFLIES!!

I don't know exactly what or when this place in the middle of nowhere actually found it's way into my blood, but it has taken it's hold and not let go. And with each heartbeat the memories, laughter, tears, frustration, excitement and love courses through my veins, calling me back each year.

OH MY GOD THE BUTTERFLIES!!!!

Ass Kissers

I would like to know more about ass kissers.

I mean really... what does it take to be an ass kisser?
And NO I don't want to be one, I despise them immensely, but I do want to know what makes one tick.

As I see it, in order to be an ass kisser you must not have an ounce self respect. Period.
You must also be able to block all of the people you work with out of your own little ass kissing world. Because if you didn't you would see all of the eye rolling, snickering and bird flipping coming your way. And it should bother you but, Mr. Ass Kisser, it doesn't seem to.

Why?

You have made friends with your boss which would be a great thing if you actually liked her for who she is and not what she is. The fact of the matter is she is someone you would point and laugh at if you saw her coming down the street.
Mr. Ass Kisser, not only are you a kisser of asses, but a superficial moron as well. You have a plethora of fat jokes you can't use when you are with her .. it's amazing you haven't imploded yet. Maybe that's where all of your brain cells have gone... you are concentrating so hard on not using your fat jokes that you have short circuited your very tiny brain. That and knowing the fact that you are a chauvinistic pig I am completely in awe of how you haven't slipped up and said something in front of her.

Ahhhh... but alas... that's where we, your unfortunate co-workers come in.
This must be the reason you flap your lips non-stop while we blink back at you with mouths agape, not in awe of your prowess, your muscles, your infinite wisdom (OH GOD I might puke) but in reality... *blink* *blink* looking at the buffoon sitting at the same table with us, most of us women, while you explain how your wife didn't ask "permission" to reschedule the carpet layer, how this fat chick shouldn't be allowed in a theatre with out paying for the 3 extra seats she's taking up, how the military rules, and cheating isn't cheating if you don't get caught.

We have watched you wait on the boss hand and foot. We have asked if you wanted in on ordering from Q's to which you replied "That place is disgusting, there's a guy that works there that spits in your food" only to watch you and the boss walk in the breakroom 20 minutes later Q bags in hand. You have not worked for any account you have, you leave early and come in late, and leave us to deal with your clients plus handle our own work.

Oh Mr. Ass Kisser how I wish I didn't let this get to me. How I wish your ass kissing could be kept behind closed doors, and that it wouldn't affect my work... but we share the same boss, and it does.
I have tried telling you to shut up, but it has fallen on deaf ears
I have tried to reason with you on subjects (these were the moments I forgot about your buffoon lineage)
I have tried ignoring you, you have followed me to my desk, spouting nonsense all the way
I have tired pointing and laughing (which does seem to have a slight stun effect, but not long enough)

So Mr. Ass Kisser what will it take to make you stop?
I am hoping that one day you will just crawl so far up her ass you get stuck there, and are never to be heard from again except on the rare occasion she would happen to walk by and then we would all hear a faint, high pitch voice coming from her ass begging us to help, to which we all blink back at you with mouths agape....in awe.

Clar_EX_ification

So.. I think I need to clarify on my post on Ex's Schmexes....
I wasn't seriously pondering the ex... just venting in a smart ass way..
thus the nanny nanny boo boo picture.. but, albiet the tone somehow got lost in
the typing......

And there are a lot of very nice guys that do in fact show interest... *sigh*

Logo Design

Hey all... please let me know what you think of possible new logo..
Thanks!