Bed 1... Nixie 1

Bed 1... Nixie 1
Current mood: dorky

The saga of the elusive bed continues.....

I’m tired of sleeping on an air mattress. I have been sleeping (well not sleeping well) on it since the last week of September. Enough.

I decided after a few attempts to get my bed with others, that enough is enough I’m doing it myself. Well almost by myself.

I talked a co-worker into swinging by the old apt in Big Lake on her way home to help me lift them onto the top of my Elephant. While I was waiting for her I managed to get the box spring on by myself, and drag the mattress to the door ready and waiting.

I had one ratchet tie down thingy, and some rope.

It just happened to be one of the windiest days in a while.. yep, I’ve got GREAT timing.

We tied the mattresses to the elephant the best we could... have I mentioned I don’t do knots very well? I can horse tie, but that’s about it... so I horse tied the mattresses to the top of the elephant, cuz ya never know when you’re going to have to set the mattresses free if they fall down or start to spook for any reason. Whew. Good to know they won’t harm themselves in case that happens, cuz I can quickly set them free since I horse tied them!

Did you know that horse tying doesn’t necessarily keep things tight? I mean I think they loosen up a little... but I digress...

The 3 miles it took me to get to Target to buy more ratchet tie down thingys felt more like 30 miles. I moved my side mirrors to be able watch them fly away...er.. um.. keep and eye on them as they flopped and bounced and slid, but stayed on.

Made it to Targetto, bought 2 more really pretty hunter orange tie down ratchet type thingys and saw that they had those theft deterrent thick plastic tie things on them in the case, and thanked my lucky stars I noticed that before I got out to the elephant with boo and had to drag her back into the store to get a scissors to get them out.

Damn I’m smart.

Got boo to the elephant, got her in, told her it was important for her to stay in her seat while mama tried to secure the mattresses better as I started to take the ratchet tie down thingys out of their expensive packaging I saw two more of those theft deterrent things, swore under my breath as I got boo back out of her car seat and ran into the store (have I mentioned I was supposed to be meeting Gretta for some wings and fun?)

Finally got the ratchet tie down thingys completely out of the case and ran back out to the car and got boo in her car seat and told her it was important.... (yeah you get the picture, there’s a lot of repeating things as a parent.. or maybe it’s just as a Nixie?)

Boo was super amazing, or maybe it was just that it was another one of those times her mama was acting like a crazy person....

You see I have 4 ratchet tie down thingys that I bought almost 3 years ago when I moved... and I never used them, I took them out of the package and couldn’t get them to start ratchet-ing... yeah I know... I r smrt. But after using the one earlier, that was already started.. I saw how they worked and knew I could figure it out.

I started to put one on, threw it over the top of the elephant (not the ratchet end.. so don’t worry I didn’t break my window) and went to the other side to secure that end.. only it wouldn’t reach.

F*@%!


Ok.. back to the other side to make some slack... at which point I pulled on the tie down, it went flying (guess I didn’t secure it very well) and flew back at me, hit the van parked beside me, and somehow I lost the ratchet end that was on my side.

LOST IT.

It wasn’t under my elephant, it wasn’t under the van next to me, or under the car on the other side... it wasn’t in my elephant, it wasn’t ANYWHERE!

Yep... it’s amazing isn’t it?

At this point I’m thinking how in the hell does that happen?

So.. fighting back the frustration and trying not to teach my boo a whole bunch of words she really shouldn’t know... I decide well fuck, at least I have another one... but how the HELL does THAT HAPPEN???!!!

I start again with the other ratchet tie down thingy fighting back the voice in my head thats telling me I’m stranded, that’s it, I can’t do it, I‘m going to wreck my brand new mattress set, and probably kill somebody on the road in the process, and really feeling like a failure, fighting back tears of frustration...and it happens.

I hear “Would you like some help with that?’

“YES!”

So this amazing person, takes her baby to her car (parked next to mine) puts him in the car seat, and takes time to help me.

We got the first one on, and while I was climbing on top of my elephant I found the ratchet part of the other tied down that had tried to escape... HA !! BASTARD! Found you!!!! Thank god I didn’t say that out loud, I probably would’ve frightened off my help...

I thanked my helper, (another single mom) over and over and over, and she said, “Hey, I know what its like, and we can do this” and I knew by the tone in her voice she was talking about more than just my mattresses.

I tightened the shit out of the tie downs, and put two horizontally, and one vertically so I knew logically this mattress set wasn’t going anywhere.. so I should be able to chill right?

Not me. I fretted and watched, and fretted for about 20 miles, stopped got gas checked the situation, and finally trusted that they weren’t going anywhere.

Boo and I cheered when we saw the sign for Edina, and finally made it home.

The end?

Nope....

Cyd and I got the mattress into the house... (we moved it end over end, cuz dammit that’s one heavy mattress with not a handle to be found anywhere... Stupid design..)

Shoved, and pulled, and pushed, and laughed, and squeezed and FINALLY got the mattress upstairs.

Next the easy part...the box spring... much lighter, much easier to handle right?

Yes.

Well... until we got to the part where we shoved, and pulled and pushed, and laughed, and squee.... OH SHIT the box spring does not squeeze. OH... SHIT!!! NO!!!

So.. I slept on my mattress on the floor, defeated, while the box spring sat downstairs in the dining room mocking me.

***cut scene to nixie darkly lit, music building in the back ground and she says with her fist raised high in the air*****

“I swear, as god is my witness I’ll never go hungry again!”

wait.. that’s not it... oh who knows... I haven’t slept well since the last week of september ...