Ass Kissers

I would like to know more about ass kissers.

I mean really... what does it take to be an ass kisser?
And NO I don't want to be one, I despise them immensely, but I do want to know what makes one tick.

As I see it, in order to be an ass kisser you must not have an ounce self respect. Period.
You must also be able to block all of the people you work with out of your own little ass kissing world. Because if you didn't you would see all of the eye rolling, snickering and bird flipping coming your way. And it should bother you but, Mr. Ass Kisser, it doesn't seem to.

Why?

You have made friends with your boss which would be a great thing if you actually liked her for who she is and not what she is. The fact of the matter is she is someone you would point and laugh at if you saw her coming down the street.
Mr. Ass Kisser, not only are you a kisser of asses, but a superficial moron as well. You have a plethora of fat jokes you can't use when you are with her .. it's amazing you haven't imploded yet. Maybe that's where all of your brain cells have gone... you are concentrating so hard on not using your fat jokes that you have short circuited your very tiny brain. That and knowing the fact that you are a chauvinistic pig I am completely in awe of how you haven't slipped up and said something in front of her.

Ahhhh... but alas... that's where we, your unfortunate co-workers come in.
This must be the reason you flap your lips non-stop while we blink back at you with mouths agape, not in awe of your prowess, your muscles, your infinite wisdom (OH GOD I might puke) but in reality... *blink* *blink* looking at the buffoon sitting at the same table with us, most of us women, while you explain how your wife didn't ask "permission" to reschedule the carpet layer, how this fat chick shouldn't be allowed in a theatre with out paying for the 3 extra seats she's taking up, how the military rules, and cheating isn't cheating if you don't get caught.

We have watched you wait on the boss hand and foot. We have asked if you wanted in on ordering from Q's to which you replied "That place is disgusting, there's a guy that works there that spits in your food" only to watch you and the boss walk in the breakroom 20 minutes later Q bags in hand. You have not worked for any account you have, you leave early and come in late, and leave us to deal with your clients plus handle our own work.

Oh Mr. Ass Kisser how I wish I didn't let this get to me. How I wish your ass kissing could be kept behind closed doors, and that it wouldn't affect my work... but we share the same boss, and it does.
I have tried telling you to shut up, but it has fallen on deaf ears
I have tried to reason with you on subjects (these were the moments I forgot about your buffoon lineage)
I have tried ignoring you, you have followed me to my desk, spouting nonsense all the way
I have tired pointing and laughing (which does seem to have a slight stun effect, but not long enough)

So Mr. Ass Kisser what will it take to make you stop?
I am hoping that one day you will just crawl so far up her ass you get stuck there, and are never to be heard from again except on the rare occasion she would happen to walk by and then we would all hear a faint, high pitch voice coming from her ass begging us to help, to which we all blink back at you with mouths agape....in awe.