It’s about the boo

Originally posted summer of 2007

It’s about the boo
Current mood: calm

I am going to my parents cabin this weekend.

You could say it was by choice, and I could disagree, but the reality of the situation is that it is in fact my choice.

You see although I know it won’t be fun for me necessarily I know that my daughter will enjoy her time with her gramma and papa, and that is the reason I choose to go.

Yes there are other things I would rather be doing, but it’s not always about me, sometimes I need to do what is great for my daughter and inevitably when I do that I seem to learn something about myself in the process.

I plan on bringing my laptop, a book, and a positive outlook, all though right now it doesn’t sound too positive huh?

Maybe this my own little pep talk to myself... I seem to do that a lot, being the only adult in the house right now while boo is in the tub, who else am I going to talk to?

My parents are aging, they will not be around forever, and they will not always be active. It is not my right to take the time that they are here, alert and active away from my daughter just because I would prefer to go out with my friends, or go dancing or take boo to the zoo etc.

And granted as I’ve said before they are not always that healthy to be around, but last weekend I had my voice with them, and I will continue to do so. When they are too much to be around because they are lost in their on little world, I will pack up and leave early. That simple.

I cherished my time with my grandma. In fact she is the most awesome person I have ever met in my entire life. She is boo’s namesake.

I remember sitting in her lap when I was a child, a very small child and knowing without a doubt that she loved me, no matter what I did. Almost all of my cherished childhood memories involve her or my grandpa. It helped shape who I am today, and I am so thankful for the time I had with them.

I learned so many things from them, about life, about people, about myself. My grandma Ella gave me unconditional love, respect, and hope for my future. She never criticized, or blamed and was always genuinely interested in my life. In fact if it wasn’t for her I dont’ think I would have had much physical or emotional affection in my life growing up.

She would find humor in situations that needed it, and taught me how to laugh at myself, how to pick myself up when I was feeling low without blaming others or myself and just looking at a situation differently. She voiced how she thought my father or mother was behaving and that it was not my fault.

I love her and miss her more than I could ever communicate in words, still to this day.

And my grandpa taught me how to build things... he was a tinker, he worked and repaired and built anything that was needed. I remember him working out in the garage and instead of shooing us away (my sister and I) he would have us “help” him. I remember the first thing I ever built was a giant “A”. He was working with wood, I don’t remember what he was building or repairing, but he gave me some wood scraps, a hammer and some nails I must’ve decided an “A” was somehow badly needed. He didn’t stop there, he taught me how to be proud of what I did, and to follow through with things. Just coming up with the idea, and putting it together wasn’t enough I had to see it through, finish it. I had to make sure it was smooth, sanded, and then I had to paint it. I remember I picked this bright, bright green color, and when I was done he never said why didn’t you build something useful, or pick a more common color, or let me get off by not following through to the end.

I think grandparents have a different level of patience, than parents do, and why wouldn’t they? They’ve been through this before.

My wish is that my daughter creates memories with her grandparents like I did with mine.

In order for that to happen I need to be able to give them the time to be together.

And seriously, it’s not hurting me to give up a weekend here and there, for a lifetime of memories for my boo.