All right.
That's it.
I have been without the sex for far too long now.
Do you want to know how I know?
Weeelllll.. let me tell you.
I have a few things that have started to happen to me recently that can only be explained by lack of sex.. seriously there are no other logical explanations. It's like a whole new symptom checklist....
First.. it's not too much sex that makes you hard of hearing, it's the lack of. I swear to goddess that everytime someone says something I hear something completely different.
Hell no! you say?
Well for example... my co-worker says "Jesus Christ I fucking hate that guy"
and I HEAR "What's with this jiz cream?" not even remotely close... I know!
I have not listened to louder than normal music lately, nor been to a concert....it can only be attributed to my lack of sex.
Second... I was reading items for sale in the classifieds, and I thought it said "CALL Girl Barbie", but no folks... it was "C-a-l-i Barbie"
*whew... *
Granted somehow most Barbies look like call girls... or DO they? SHIT! maybe that's lack of sex too?
Two and a Half... CONFUSION.... THE LACK OF CONCENTRATION...
Third... Dreaming is something I fear. I used to have those strange dreams about flying or work, or scarey spiders... but now.... my GAWD! Now I wake up exhausted cuz I was having hot monkey sex all night long, and wake up to find it was only a dream, and wanting it more than ever!!! THIS IS DEFINITELY caused by lack of sex.
Fourth... even remotely attractive men are becoming greek gods....
Somebody stop me.. before I succumb completely to this.
2 comments:
Heh. "Mad Hot Monkey Sex" btw.
I think it was when I actually said out loud to a co-worker (Who was following behind me WAY too fucking close)
"Um, Bill. If you're gonna ride my ass like that do you think you could maybe pull my hair?"
Yeah. HR is my "Principal's Office", y'know?
I'm remotely attractive
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