“Over-preparation is the foe of inspiration”

So.. I should be leaving work in about 10min... to promptly run home and try the new USB cable I bought at lunch, since the new one I bought last night and plugged into my shiny new tech toys didn't work.....*Le sigh*

Cyd called... she's going to the Duplex.

MMmmmmm the duplex.

Can I bring boo? Do they have wifi? Boo's diggin on Barbie.com right now...

NO! No no.... Nix... go home plug in the printer to the 'puter, print your shit.. you meet The Dude tomorrow night

BUT! BUT!.... but..... butt..... I want to..... awwwww.. SHIT! FINE!
I'll go home, print my stuff and THEN go to the Duplex, have a glass o wine, and fret about meeting The Dude tomorrow.

Umm... not exactly what I had in mind but, it should work, I guess... you do realize this is called sabotaging yourself right?

Awww.... it'll be fine. What's that saying I like?....“Over-preparation is the foe of inspiration”

Yeah and who said that?

Napoleon Bonaparte.

Riiiight.

Shit.

Fear

I'm wondering if I received a little extra helping of this emotion?

You see I think I've kept myself from doing things in my life because of fear.

Fear that I will screw it up for boo.
Fear that I will lose boo.
Fear that I am not good enough.
Fear that I will fail.

I have been given an opportunity on Wednesday to meet with someone to advance my career as a graphic artist, and guess what?

Yep, scared shit-less.

Scared that he's going to laugh me right out of his office in fact. You see it's not that I think I'm lacking in the talent department really... I mean I'm good, I win awards, but I still sometimes don't believe that I'm good, and for some reason I've just managed to fool the people I work with into believing that I'm worthy of the awards I've won.

I'm also feeling a little fear from the fact that I don't know flash or dreamweaver, and I've really only done print ads for YEARS... I'm talking boring, bang your head on your desk, shove 10lbs. of shit in a 2lb bag, L7 print ads... with an occasional "do whatever you want" thrown in. (which are the ones I usually win the awards for)....


ooooh...

but....

to even think about having that cage door opened..... will I have the guts to fly out? Or will I sit there afraid to fly?

I don't have my portfolio ready. Probably because I don't have the "right" stuff to put into it... just the boring print ads.....I know one thing for sure... if I don't change my thinking right this instant, I won't fly... I'll sit here.... I'll sit here until my brain turns to mush, my ass looks even more like my chair every day, and boo and I never own our own home because I don't make enough money to do it, and her dad can continue to call us up saying he's going to cut the child support and throw me into that "Oh fuck, how are we going to make it now" mode...

Get off your ass Nix, it's time to move.