I sent my Boo off to stay with my parents over MEA weekend this year.
Some of you might pause at that. Those of you that have heard stories of my father.
Guess what?
My Boo has a relationship with my dad that I wish I had. I am not going to let anger and hurt from the past ruin what is the present or the future.
She has an understanding with him that I never did.
That silly universe has gone and done it again....
My father has been in the military in some form or another for most of his adult life. He ran his home, much like the service. When you were asked to do something you did it quickly, efficiently and with no questions asked.... well you did that if you were my sisters.
If you were me you felt the need to ask why, and move at your own pace, and sometimes not understanding the directive, or that the request was time sensitive you didn't accomplish the task without severe consequences.
My father was also an alcoholic. Which led to lots of angry unjustified "punishments" which in turn fueled the injustice I felt grow right along with me in each passing year.
By the time I graduated high school I wanted to move away and never come back. Ever.
All of this changed when I had my daughter. I felt compelled to go "home" to see them as often as possible, instead of my normal once or at the most twice a year visits made only out of guilt and obligation.
What was the difference you ask?
I watched him actually be invested in her life. From the moment I brought her home, he held her and talked to her, and paid attention to her, almost non-stop.
I remember when I was small and wanted his attention, and all he wanted to do was sit and watch 60 minutes and have a beer. It didn't really bother me too much then, I had my sister to bug instead, but sometimes it felt a little lonely or that I was a bother.... the big issues were his temper and his drinking.
I shook myself from the memory before I went any deeper.
We visited a lot from when she was born until she was 5. Then I think weekends were taken up by work and eventually rehearsals for festival. And if I'm completely honest, I think I really enjoyed the weekends being at my parents when she was smaller, as a single mom it was the only time I could get a few minutes to myself... and I could NAP!!! Oh what a joy napping is when you are the parent of a small child that is full of never ending energy. As she got older, I could let her wake up on her own and I could enjoy the comforts of my own bed.
Selfish I know.
Still I felt that guilt. That any weekend I had available I should in fact be driving the 3.5 hours one way to bring her down to visit them.
Being the selfish person I am... I started letting her go by herself, cuz really, its not so much that they enjoyed time with me... it was all about the Boo.
My dad sent me a picture this weekend while she was down there. A picture of a little girl on a giant 4-wheeler.
"She rides that herself" I asked with a bit of concern, and a lot of shock.
"Oh yeah, I give her the keys and she puts it in gear and off she goes."
"I can't even get her to steer her bike without going off the path...."
"Oh I let her know if she goes to fast, that the keys are taken away and it's off limits, it's fine." He said reassuringly.
Immediately I was taken back to 16 year old me coming home 5 minutes past midnight and placing the keys on the kitchen table knowing I had blown the right to use the car for a month.
Yep. 5 minutes... even 1 minute late and she knew the consequence. No car for 1 month. No arguing. No questions. No excuses.
When I was the child... I hated not being able to ask questions or let him know that it wasn't my fault because so and so wouldn't get in the car and I couldn't just leave her... so really... if you would just listen, I'm sure you'd understand and I would still be able to use the car.....
It's funny how life changes. How something so seemingly clear seems so opposite yet just as clear from the other side.
Life is a never ending journey of lessons and wonder.
I know that every time I have been adamant about something, the universe has chosen to jump up and place that exact situation in front of me to test whatever conclusion I had come to, and most of the time I have learned that there is no clear "one" right way. Because in fact you can look at the same situation from a different perspective and draw a vastly different conclusion.
If you would've told 16 year old me that I would have the relationship with my father that I do now, or that my daughter would have the relationship with her grandfather that she does now I would've laughed and thought you were utterly ridiculous.
The only thing I know for sure, is to keep your eyes and heart open on this journey. And try to see things from all sides before drawing any one conclusion.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Gift
I received an email from a girl I went to high school with back in August. I hadn't spoke with her since high school graduation I believe. She started off her email with an apology because she was contacting me to make a request.
A request on be-half of a family that lived in her community, who was struggling with the biggest battle of their lives. Their 17 year old daughter Jordan was Diagnosed in 2009 with Stage IV Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma and the odds were only a 7% chance she'd beat it. Well this tenacious girl did it, but it had recurred. This time the odds were even more grim.
Jordan had started a bucket list. On this list was "going to the renaissance festival and participating in costume" or something to that effect. My classmate had contacted me about this item, because she knew I was involved in the festival.
I agreed to help immediately. I believe we are all here to be in service to others. That is what this life is about. Not about making the most money, and getting the most "toys". But giving of yourself, walking through this journey with others, helping when you can.
I read her caring bridge, and decided just a dress and tickets in wasn't going to be good enough.
I have worked with the festival since 2000, starting as a wine wench and over the years I learned that it holds many amazing people that do in fact give of themselves readily to help others. I have seen the Renaissance "family" gather together to help others through battles of disease, or other hardships. I knew that together we could make this "EPIC".
I sent out a plea to the cast, and the response was exactly what I expected. People readily jumped up and said "I can do ______ will that help?" I was so excited. We were able to provide them with an amazing day at festival where Jordan was Queen and her whole family was able to participate.
The family is amazing. Jordan is amazing. I had someone tell me that it takes all of 39 seconds to fall in love with Jordan. I think it's even less. The whole family was quickly adopted into "our" family.
It didn't stop at the one event. They were able to come out at least one day of the follow weekends of this past season. I was grateful to see them each time they joined us. They all gave everyone around them so much laughter and joy.
Last night we said our final goodbyes to Jordan. The disease beat her body, but not her spirit. She left us on Dec. 4th 2001 at 12:30am.
We were all around her bed while her mom held her in her arms. I imagine much like she did when Jordan was first born. Her father and her brother each held one hand. The pain that they were going through at this moment was unbearable. But they are all so strong. So strong for Jordan and each other. It was easily the hardest part of my journey so far. And in saying that I feel like the most selfish person on earth.
Really Nixie? The hardest part of YOUR life? Self centered much?
In saying that..it being the hardest part.... I wouldn't do anything differently. There is no place I would've rather been then right by her side as she left this journey to go to her next. It is the highest honor. It is pure love. It's the LEAST I could do for her. For her family.
I've had people thank me for doing what *I* did for them at festival, and in the days since.... and every time someone says that I feel sick to my stomach. You see it's not that I don't appreciate people saying thank you, but it feels so selfish to have someone "thank" me for doing something that is so necessary, so needed, like breathing. A thank you for being someone's friend.
If I would've walked away from this family I wouldn't hurt like I do now. But I also wouldn't have LIVED like I do now. I am blessed by knowing them. By being able to be in Jordans life if even for a short time. She has made me a better person.
Like I said last night, in my weak attempt to pay tribute to the Amazingness that is Jordan:
Jordan is my hero. She has taught me the true meaning of strength, of fortitude, and of kindness. What it means to never give up, to care for others more than yourself, to stand at the edge and shout to the heavens I will not give in without a fight.
There is no thank you needed for being someones friend, for doing something out of love for another human being.....
Funny thing is that said... I feel I need to thank the people that deserve it.
Jackie, my classmate for contacting me and reaching out, and being involved helping others, without you I would've never met them.
Jordan's family.... mom and dad for sharing themselves and their wonderful daughter with this world, brother for being just as amazing as his big sister even though he doesn't believe it yet, little sister, for carrying that sassy attitude forward, I look forward to watching her grow.
The Renaissance Community.... for always being there and being ready when someone sends out a plea for help.
You see, I didn't do anything that wasn't exactly what was planned out for me to do, I did not have a choice but to love. Because that is my belief. We are all in this life together, and helping one another through it is our greatest purpose.
A request on be-half of a family that lived in her community, who was struggling with the biggest battle of their lives. Their 17 year old daughter Jordan was Diagnosed in 2009 with Stage IV Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma and the odds were only a 7% chance she'd beat it. Well this tenacious girl did it, but it had recurred. This time the odds were even more grim.
Jordan had started a bucket list. On this list was "going to the renaissance festival and participating in costume" or something to that effect. My classmate had contacted me about this item, because she knew I was involved in the festival.
I agreed to help immediately. I believe we are all here to be in service to others. That is what this life is about. Not about making the most money, and getting the most "toys". But giving of yourself, walking through this journey with others, helping when you can.
I read her caring bridge, and decided just a dress and tickets in wasn't going to be good enough.
I have worked with the festival since 2000, starting as a wine wench and over the years I learned that it holds many amazing people that do in fact give of themselves readily to help others. I have seen the Renaissance "family" gather together to help others through battles of disease, or other hardships. I knew that together we could make this "EPIC".
I sent out a plea to the cast, and the response was exactly what I expected. People readily jumped up and said "I can do ______ will that help?" I was so excited. We were able to provide them with an amazing day at festival where Jordan was Queen and her whole family was able to participate.
The family is amazing. Jordan is amazing. I had someone tell me that it takes all of 39 seconds to fall in love with Jordan. I think it's even less. The whole family was quickly adopted into "our" family.
It didn't stop at the one event. They were able to come out at least one day of the follow weekends of this past season. I was grateful to see them each time they joined us. They all gave everyone around them so much laughter and joy.
Last night we said our final goodbyes to Jordan. The disease beat her body, but not her spirit. She left us on Dec. 4th 2001 at 12:30am.
We were all around her bed while her mom held her in her arms. I imagine much like she did when Jordan was first born. Her father and her brother each held one hand. The pain that they were going through at this moment was unbearable. But they are all so strong. So strong for Jordan and each other. It was easily the hardest part of my journey so far. And in saying that I feel like the most selfish person on earth.
Really Nixie? The hardest part of YOUR life? Self centered much?
In saying that..it being the hardest part.... I wouldn't do anything differently. There is no place I would've rather been then right by her side as she left this journey to go to her next. It is the highest honor. It is pure love. It's the LEAST I could do for her. For her family.
I've had people thank me for doing what *I* did for them at festival, and in the days since.... and every time someone says that I feel sick to my stomach. You see it's not that I don't appreciate people saying thank you, but it feels so selfish to have someone "thank" me for doing something that is so necessary, so needed, like breathing. A thank you for being someone's friend.
If I would've walked away from this family I wouldn't hurt like I do now. But I also wouldn't have LIVED like I do now. I am blessed by knowing them. By being able to be in Jordans life if even for a short time. She has made me a better person.
Like I said last night, in my weak attempt to pay tribute to the Amazingness that is Jordan:
Jordan is my hero. She has taught me the true meaning of strength, of fortitude, and of kindness. What it means to never give up, to care for others more than yourself, to stand at the edge and shout to the heavens I will not give in without a fight.
There is no thank you needed for being someones friend, for doing something out of love for another human being.....
Funny thing is that said... I feel I need to thank the people that deserve it.
Jackie, my classmate for contacting me and reaching out, and being involved helping others, without you I would've never met them.
Jordan's family.... mom and dad for sharing themselves and their wonderful daughter with this world, brother for being just as amazing as his big sister even though he doesn't believe it yet, little sister, for carrying that sassy attitude forward, I look forward to watching her grow.
The Renaissance Community.... for always being there and being ready when someone sends out a plea for help.
You see, I didn't do anything that wasn't exactly what was planned out for me to do, I did not have a choice but to love. Because that is my belief. We are all in this life together, and helping one another through it is our greatest purpose.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Holy crap!
Met with the trainer last night.... happy to report I hurt this morning! =oP
We did a full body workout, and I didn't even have to use one of the machines with the generic dude on it. I have been working out everyday since last Tuesday, and I haven't felt like I actually have been working out until last night.
IT
WAS
AWESOME!
She showed me the Free Motion machines which is so much better than generic dude machines. There's no adjusting seat heights or the other various levers to make the ginormous machine fit my 5'3" frame. This means I get to go from one move, seamlessly to the next.
Well, as seamlessly as my "grace" allows. I only almost tipped over a couple of times.
We went through the full body workout twice. On the second time we got to the squats, and she had given me a free weight to hold while I was doing them, as I expressed I really needed to work on my very minimal minimums since I do not want another injury, even ugly runners knee to pop back up again.
I asked what weight she had given me the first time through, and she said "It was a 10lb weight, it was too light wasn't it?"
"Well, it didn't really make it hard." and as soon as I uttered those words I knew I was in trouble.
"Here, do this." She said as she held a 25lb weight over her head as she did the squats.
"ah...ok... I might tip over."
"That's why we'll do it above a bench and you can sit and then go back up if you need to."
It was glorious! Tough but fun!
She looked at me doing the squats this time smirked and said "you know, I haven't known you very long, but it's apparent you like to push yourself... this is going to be fun."
"Yeah, I do. That's how I ended up with the broken foot and 10 month recovery process."
"Well, we're definitely not going to do that again, and if your foot hurts AT ALL you need to promise to let me know immediately and we will work out another way to work the same muscle."
We did a couple more moves.
"Ya know, you have a high pain tolerance but you giggle when you hit your threshold, when it hurts."
"um...that transparent huh?"
"It's just a nice change. Most people complain when I give them exercises to do, and you push yourself, and are open to trying them. It's fun."
"It's AWESOME! I finally feel like I'm working out. Like I'm doing something."
"Well good."
"Ah.... you're gonna make me look like Kara Goucher right?" and at that we both laughed.
I went downstairs to change after the workout, finally feeling a bit like my oldself.... well a lot more of my old self, but re-assured by the thought I can reach my goal of dropping 20lbs of fat and adding some lean muscle by February.
This is good. I'll be running in December, until then, 10 min on elliptical, 20-30 min either biking or swimming after....
Trainers are good.
I actually even enjoyed it, but nothing close to running.....
I did enjoy it enough though to be able to continue to do it even after I've got the ok to run my little heart out.
Life's good. Keep at it, never give up, and when you feel like it, come here and pour your heart out, cuz this is one great spot for support! Thank you all!
I'm gonna look like Kara Goucher ya know..... ;o)
hahahahahahaahahhaha!
Met with the trainer last night.... happy to report I hurt this morning! =oP
We did a full body workout, and I didn't even have to use one of the machines with the generic dude on it. I have been working out everyday since last Tuesday, and I haven't felt like I actually have been working out until last night.
IT
WAS
AWESOME!
She showed me the Free Motion machines which is so much better than generic dude machines. There's no adjusting seat heights or the other various levers to make the ginormous machine fit my 5'3" frame. This means I get to go from one move, seamlessly to the next.
Well, as seamlessly as my "grace" allows. I only almost tipped over a couple of times.
We went through the full body workout twice. On the second time we got to the squats, and she had given me a free weight to hold while I was doing them, as I expressed I really needed to work on my very minimal minimums since I do not want another injury, even ugly runners knee to pop back up again.
I asked what weight she had given me the first time through, and she said "It was a 10lb weight, it was too light wasn't it?"
"Well, it didn't really make it hard." and as soon as I uttered those words I knew I was in trouble.
"Here, do this." She said as she held a 25lb weight over her head as she did the squats.
"ah...ok... I might tip over."
"That's why we'll do it above a bench and you can sit and then go back up if you need to."
It was glorious! Tough but fun!
She looked at me doing the squats this time smirked and said "you know, I haven't known you very long, but it's apparent you like to push yourself... this is going to be fun."
"Yeah, I do. That's how I ended up with the broken foot and 10 month recovery process."
"Well, we're definitely not going to do that again, and if your foot hurts AT ALL you need to promise to let me know immediately and we will work out another way to work the same muscle."
We did a couple more moves.
"Ya know, you have a high pain tolerance but you giggle when you hit your threshold, when it hurts."
"um...that transparent huh?"
"It's just a nice change. Most people complain when I give them exercises to do, and you push yourself, and are open to trying them. It's fun."
"It's AWESOME! I finally feel like I'm working out. Like I'm doing something."
"Well good."
"Ah.... you're gonna make me look like Kara Goucher right?" and at that we both laughed.
I went downstairs to change after the workout, finally feeling a bit like my oldself.... well a lot more of my old self, but re-assured by the thought I can reach my goal of dropping 20lbs of fat and adding some lean muscle by February.
This is good. I'll be running in December, until then, 10 min on elliptical, 20-30 min either biking or swimming after....
Trainers are good.
I actually even enjoyed it, but nothing close to running.....
I did enjoy it enough though to be able to continue to do it even after I've got the ok to run my little heart out.
Life's good. Keep at it, never give up, and when you feel like it, come here and pour your heart out, cuz this is one great spot for support! Thank you all!
I'm gonna look like Kara Goucher ya know..... ;o)
hahahahahahaahahhaha!
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
the mysterious machines
Finally back at the gym.... the physical therapist gave me the go-ahead to do the elliptical for 10 minutes. Not a minute more no matter how good it might feel.
So... for a week I've been going to the gym doing my 10 glorious minutes on the elliptical and then wondering my way over to the ever intimidating weights area.
Sheepishly.
Very very very sheepishly...
I have a water bottle which I use not only for hydration but it gives me a smooth way to check out how to work the weird weight lifting apparatus.
So I casually stroll over and to my relief see that they have signs above each row that lets me know this row of machines will work your arms, this one your shoulders, this your legs...etc.
I start at the first machine in the row... nonchalantly unscrew the top off my water bottle and slowly take a drink all the while, reading the instructions lest I look like an idiot who doesn't know what they're doing.. for some reason I always feel pressure to get out of the way of the muscle peeps who obviously know exactly what they are doing and have no time to wait for you to either use the machine or read how to do it.
Do you know there are machines that don't have any instructions? I mean really... well they do have the warning sign the one that if you don't use the machine correctly you'll injure yourself, and I'm just coming off of an injury so that's like kryptonite and I avoid it at all costs, and walk away wondering if that one machine might hold the key to getting me in shape and now I will try and try in vain all because I've skipped it because it didn't have instructions.
Oh and what's with the generic dude images that are illustrations of how to do the exercise? Would it really hurt to put eyeballs on there so I don't use up all of my water on one machine trying to figure out if the dude is facing forward or backward?
ahem....
My little drinking water trick has worked pretty well except when it comes to the machines where I'm just beyond weak.
You know.. where you put the weight on like 40lbs and you think oh yeah no prob.... lift your arms up get ready to push, and it doesn't move. Not one little millimeter. So you move it to 20, thinking that should do the trick...
And push...
... and it moves... at bit but it's not going any farther..
OK FINE 10lbs....
And.....
I can do 3!
Holy crap. I R Weak.
There are six rows of machines... each night I do 3 rows... then the next the other three...
How come there are different machines that pretty much do the same thing? But yet there are some that once you actually start them you realize it is a tiny bit different, but you feel it a lot differently then the one you just did that was almost exactly like that? I mean why? Why would you put machines in a row, thinking they are maybe two in a row so more than one person can do the exercise at one time, so you skip it, and then one day you actually try it and realize it's different so then you start doing all of the machines in the row, only to realize that no, I was right, there are actually some that are two in a row, and why are there shoulder ones in the arm section that are the same as the ones in the leg section, and shouldn't they follow the signs?
So, I decided to actually bite the bullet and hire a trainer.
Maybe I'll unlock the secrets of the weight lifting area.... don't worry I'll actually share my knowledge.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Doing what I believe is right. Definitely Not Easy
I'm not sure how to even start this.
It's funny, the thing I need to write about, that I think people need to know about is proving to be the hardest to write.
Why?
Well, I guess because first of all it was horrifying.
And second of all there are some out there (“friends” of this person) that will say it's an exaggeration, that's their opinion. This is mine. It's the truth. The UGLY truth. And I guess that's why it's so important that people know about it.
Well, here goes... My record of what happened.
One horribly hot weekend crap went down.
You could blame it on the weather.
You could blame it on emotions out of control. Or as I was told "On actors being dramatic, and you know this man is very dramatic."
Hell you could blame it on whatever you want, it doesn't change the facts. Or the illogical violent reaction that manifested that night.
I was talking to someone I had considered a friend once upon a time and disagreeing with his actions. I told him I thought he was treating an employee differently because of his relationship with her, and letting him know this employee had told me she has "his ear, and can get him to do anything she wants." Not raising my voice, but you know, being an adult about it, talking things out.
I was met with physical violence. With him hitting the the wall of our green room and shaking the metal steps that lead up to them so violently they bounced up and down off of the ground. He didn't know it, like most cowards and bullys he thought we were alone.
There were 3 people in the green room, which rocked a bit when he was shaking the steps. They heard him screaming at me and then the first thud.
They were sure that it was my head hitting the wall, "because that's how violent it sounded".
They tried to get outside, but when he was shaking the steps, the door jammed.
What was I doing during all of this?
Well I was trying to walk away as fast as possible. Which isn't very fast since I had an air cast on my foot. I was trying to get into our car.
He was still screaming "Fuck you! Get the fuck away from me, get the fuck out of here!"
Um, hello? You bat shit crazy man, I’m walking AWAY from you as you’re screaming at the top of your lungs throwing a violent tantrum.
"Grow up" was my response.
He was still coming after me fists clenched, screaming.
I walked past some of his friends on the way to the car, and one was screaming "Punch em! Punch em!"
Yep, he keeps great people around. Doesn't seem to matter what's on the inside, as long as you're young and beautiful on the outside. There are people that have worked with him for 19 years that he doesn't know... because they don't fall into his radar... I used to think that was a bunch of crap, until I opened my eyes and really watched things the last 3 years.
So she was screaming to “punch em”... and the "em" she was referring to was me and the man who ultimately stopped this person from getting a hold of me.
As I was walking away and he was continuing to come after me, his friend got in between us. He shoved her aside so hard she fell to the ground. (She has since denied she was actually shoved, even though there was a voice mail saying something to the effect “I wasn’t hit, I was shoved, but I’m fine.”)
She used to be a friend of mine as well. I hold no hard feelings against her. I feel bad of course. I don't understand how you could continue to support someone after witnessing what happened and actually being a casualty of it. But to each their own. Let go and move forward I guess.
It is my belief this person did not stop coming after me of his own free will... he was stopped by someone jumping up on a bench in between this person and I (as my back was still turned heading towards the car) and told him to "Knock it off!"
His friend then grabbed him and started pulling him back and he was still screaming "Get her the fuck out of here" .... at this time one of the people in the green room was out and standing on the steps. He grabbed the stairs and shook them again while the person from the green room was standing on them.
"He looked right through me, and was so focused on you, it was like an animal tracking his prey." the person on the steps told me later.
I reported this incident to the lawyers that work for that company that following Tuesday morning.
I was going to call the police because of the violence he demonstrated. I didn’t, out of some weird sense of “we used to be friends” syndrome.
I fully believe that if he wasn't stopped by a man he wouldn't have stopped until he beat the crap out of me. I had to continue to work 3 more weekends knowing I would see him out there.
It seems like he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He went to dinner that night with more of his "friends".
I went home and called the people involved to make sure they were ok.
It took me awhile to admit to myself that I was afraid, I kept telling myself I was just angry. I knew deep down inside if I admitted fear what would happen. I've been down that road before with an abusive boyfriend.
I finally admitted it that monday evening, and it happened just like I knew it would... uncontrollable shaking, tears, and I jumped at any odd noise. Locking and triple checking things were locked. After all this person knows where I live.
I went to target and I caught myself looking over my shoulder constantly... I realized I was looking out for him.
I can't believe what transpired. He seemed out of control. As of right now he still holds the position he has had the last 7 years there. Even though he sent me a text not 15 minutes after he was threatening me to inform me he had resigned.
I didn't respond to the text, I didn't want anything to do with this person ever again. I still don't. But I thought to myself; Good, that’s exactly what you should do, resign.
We have mutual friends that say "Oh... just sit down and talk it out, it'll all be fine."
Really?
I mean really?
The dude tried to hit me. And if that wasn't his intent you sure as hell fooled me, the three people in the green room, one person across the way in another green room, the two men (whom I wish I knew how to contact) that were standing across the road by the booths who came running to see what all the commotion and screaming was about. His friend felt the need to get in-between us, why would you bother, if you didn’t think there was a physical threat? So yes. it’s my “perception” But you tell me if you would think any differently?
When I left my husband who threatened to hit me all of my friends supported that. Why is this different? I will never be in a room with this man ever again.
My partner in life, didn't want me to involve anyone in this situation because he considers himself friends of this mans wife and he didn’t want her to suffer because of her husbands actions. I told him "You know what? IF you would have done what he did, I would call you on your shit so fast and I would be done with you."
"I would NEVER do that." he said. (He is the most caring person I've met, always thinking of others, and trying to see all sides, and that's just what he was doing at this moment....he is very supportive don't worry)
"I know. That's why I'm with you, but do you see what I mean?"
"Yeah, I just don't want to hurt her."
“Nobody does” I echoed, and felt that familiar feeling grow.
Oh... that.... ugly, messed up guilt feeling.
I felt guilty. I felt guilty that the people that witnessed this and stood up for me might not be offered contracts again.
I felt guilty my partner might not be offered a contract again.
I felt guilty for the fear the people in the trailer must’ve felt when it was rocking and being hit.
I felt guilty for doing what I believe is the right thing.
For voicing what this person had done.
WHAT HE HAD DONE.
There was only one player in this.
One person that needs to own all of that guilt.
Do I think he ever will?
No.
Am I going to use all legal measures available to make sure he doesn't get to do this to anyone else? You bet your ass I am. Not because I don’t like him, or “just because” I’m afraid of him.. it’s bigger than that.
No one should ever feel as frightened, as I did. No one should ever fear bodily harm in their work place. EVER.
I've lost some people in my life because of this event. But all it has done is weeded out true friends from false. I also know that because this person has most of the control to the amount of money that people are paid out there, that there are those who are too afraid to speak out. They want to remain safe in what others have dubbed The Cult of Personality.
I get it.
I am not that person.
So, if I am not asked back, or if this person still holds the position he currently has, I will say goodbye to a chapter in my life, and that will be ok.
I have no regrets for the actions I have taken. The steps I have taken to make sure that this behavior is not accepted, is not ok, and hopefully won't happen to anyone else at his hands EVER.
I also am trying to be a good role model for my daughter who has dealt with bullys at her school.
You stand up for yourself. And for others. Period.
(So I’ve been told that all of this is my perception. That it wasn’t really his intent to cause physical harm to me.)
I ask you this then:
Why then would you shake metal steps violently, punch things, raise your clenched fists, throw a bench? (throwing the bench I did not see, but heard about later) If not to demonstrate, “Hey, see what damage I’m doing to this? Yeah, this could be you.”
Why would two people who were witnesses to this feel the need to get in between him and I?
It seems it was also their perception he was about to cause me physical harm.
I’m not sure what I am going to do at this point. I don’t agree with things the way they are. I don’t believe someone should be able to keep their job after demonstrating violence such as this.
I also am not the kind of person to just quietly disappear. This was wrong. This needs to be dealt with, and not with just a “Mr._______, what you did was wrong, don’t do that again.” (that blank isn't actually well technically a swear word... I guess maybe to me it is now)
I believe he will make life hell for me when/if I am in employment there again.
I guess I say this.
Bring it.
I’ve dealt with cowardly bullys like him before. I will do my job, and I will do it well and professionally just like always. I am not so fragile bullys like him can break me.
Am I afraid he will attempt retribution, or if I run into him while I am alone that he won’t try to threaten or react physically again?
Yes.
Will fear stop me from doing what's right?
No.
It's funny, the thing I need to write about, that I think people need to know about is proving to be the hardest to write.
Why?
Well, I guess because first of all it was horrifying.
And second of all there are some out there (“friends” of this person) that will say it's an exaggeration, that's their opinion. This is mine. It's the truth. The UGLY truth. And I guess that's why it's so important that people know about it.
Well, here goes... My record of what happened.
One horribly hot weekend crap went down.
You could blame it on the weather.
You could blame it on emotions out of control. Or as I was told "On actors being dramatic, and you know this man is very dramatic."
Hell you could blame it on whatever you want, it doesn't change the facts. Or the illogical violent reaction that manifested that night.
I was talking to someone I had considered a friend once upon a time and disagreeing with his actions. I told him I thought he was treating an employee differently because of his relationship with her, and letting him know this employee had told me she has "his ear, and can get him to do anything she wants." Not raising my voice, but you know, being an adult about it, talking things out.
I was met with physical violence. With him hitting the the wall of our green room and shaking the metal steps that lead up to them so violently they bounced up and down off of the ground. He didn't know it, like most cowards and bullys he thought we were alone.
There were 3 people in the green room, which rocked a bit when he was shaking the steps. They heard him screaming at me and then the first thud.
They were sure that it was my head hitting the wall, "because that's how violent it sounded".
They tried to get outside, but when he was shaking the steps, the door jammed.
What was I doing during all of this?
Well I was trying to walk away as fast as possible. Which isn't very fast since I had an air cast on my foot. I was trying to get into our car.
He was still screaming "Fuck you! Get the fuck away from me, get the fuck out of here!"
Um, hello? You bat shit crazy man, I’m walking AWAY from you as you’re screaming at the top of your lungs throwing a violent tantrum.
"Grow up" was my response.
He was still coming after me fists clenched, screaming.
I walked past some of his friends on the way to the car, and one was screaming "Punch em! Punch em!"
Yep, he keeps great people around. Doesn't seem to matter what's on the inside, as long as you're young and beautiful on the outside. There are people that have worked with him for 19 years that he doesn't know... because they don't fall into his radar... I used to think that was a bunch of crap, until I opened my eyes and really watched things the last 3 years.
So she was screaming to “punch em”... and the "em" she was referring to was me and the man who ultimately stopped this person from getting a hold of me.
As I was walking away and he was continuing to come after me, his friend got in between us. He shoved her aside so hard she fell to the ground. (She has since denied she was actually shoved, even though there was a voice mail saying something to the effect “I wasn’t hit, I was shoved, but I’m fine.”)
She used to be a friend of mine as well. I hold no hard feelings against her. I feel bad of course. I don't understand how you could continue to support someone after witnessing what happened and actually being a casualty of it. But to each their own. Let go and move forward I guess.
It is my belief this person did not stop coming after me of his own free will... he was stopped by someone jumping up on a bench in between this person and I (as my back was still turned heading towards the car) and told him to "Knock it off!"
His friend then grabbed him and started pulling him back and he was still screaming "Get her the fuck out of here" .... at this time one of the people in the green room was out and standing on the steps. He grabbed the stairs and shook them again while the person from the green room was standing on them.
"He looked right through me, and was so focused on you, it was like an animal tracking his prey." the person on the steps told me later.
I reported this incident to the lawyers that work for that company that following Tuesday morning.
I was going to call the police because of the violence he demonstrated. I didn’t, out of some weird sense of “we used to be friends” syndrome.
I fully believe that if he wasn't stopped by a man he wouldn't have stopped until he beat the crap out of me. I had to continue to work 3 more weekends knowing I would see him out there.
It seems like he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He went to dinner that night with more of his "friends".
I went home and called the people involved to make sure they were ok.
It took me awhile to admit to myself that I was afraid, I kept telling myself I was just angry. I knew deep down inside if I admitted fear what would happen. I've been down that road before with an abusive boyfriend.
I finally admitted it that monday evening, and it happened just like I knew it would... uncontrollable shaking, tears, and I jumped at any odd noise. Locking and triple checking things were locked. After all this person knows where I live.
I went to target and I caught myself looking over my shoulder constantly... I realized I was looking out for him.
I can't believe what transpired. He seemed out of control. As of right now he still holds the position he has had the last 7 years there. Even though he sent me a text not 15 minutes after he was threatening me to inform me he had resigned.
I didn't respond to the text, I didn't want anything to do with this person ever again. I still don't. But I thought to myself; Good, that’s exactly what you should do, resign.
We have mutual friends that say "Oh... just sit down and talk it out, it'll all be fine."
Really?
I mean really?
The dude tried to hit me. And if that wasn't his intent you sure as hell fooled me, the three people in the green room, one person across the way in another green room, the two men (whom I wish I knew how to contact) that were standing across the road by the booths who came running to see what all the commotion and screaming was about. His friend felt the need to get in-between us, why would you bother, if you didn’t think there was a physical threat? So yes. it’s my “perception” But you tell me if you would think any differently?
When I left my husband who threatened to hit me all of my friends supported that. Why is this different? I will never be in a room with this man ever again.
My partner in life, didn't want me to involve anyone in this situation because he considers himself friends of this mans wife and he didn’t want her to suffer because of her husbands actions. I told him "You know what? IF you would have done what he did, I would call you on your shit so fast and I would be done with you."
"I would NEVER do that." he said. (He is the most caring person I've met, always thinking of others, and trying to see all sides, and that's just what he was doing at this moment....he is very supportive don't worry)
"I know. That's why I'm with you, but do you see what I mean?"
"Yeah, I just don't want to hurt her."
“Nobody does” I echoed, and felt that familiar feeling grow.
Oh... that.... ugly, messed up guilt feeling.
I felt guilty. I felt guilty that the people that witnessed this and stood up for me might not be offered contracts again.
I felt guilty my partner might not be offered a contract again.
I felt guilty for the fear the people in the trailer must’ve felt when it was rocking and being hit.
I felt guilty for doing what I believe is the right thing.
For voicing what this person had done.
WHAT HE HAD DONE.
There was only one player in this.
One person that needs to own all of that guilt.
Do I think he ever will?
No.
Am I going to use all legal measures available to make sure he doesn't get to do this to anyone else? You bet your ass I am. Not because I don’t like him, or “just because” I’m afraid of him.. it’s bigger than that.
No one should ever feel as frightened, as I did. No one should ever fear bodily harm in their work place. EVER.
I've lost some people in my life because of this event. But all it has done is weeded out true friends from false. I also know that because this person has most of the control to the amount of money that people are paid out there, that there are those who are too afraid to speak out. They want to remain safe in what others have dubbed The Cult of Personality.
I get it.
I am not that person.
So, if I am not asked back, or if this person still holds the position he currently has, I will say goodbye to a chapter in my life, and that will be ok.
I have no regrets for the actions I have taken. The steps I have taken to make sure that this behavior is not accepted, is not ok, and hopefully won't happen to anyone else at his hands EVER.
I also am trying to be a good role model for my daughter who has dealt with bullys at her school.
You stand up for yourself. And for others. Period.
(So I’ve been told that all of this is my perception. That it wasn’t really his intent to cause physical harm to me.)
I ask you this then:
Why then would you shake metal steps violently, punch things, raise your clenched fists, throw a bench? (throwing the bench I did not see, but heard about later) If not to demonstrate, “Hey, see what damage I’m doing to this? Yeah, this could be you.”
Why would two people who were witnesses to this feel the need to get in between him and I?
It seems it was also their perception he was about to cause me physical harm.
I’m not sure what I am going to do at this point. I don’t agree with things the way they are. I don’t believe someone should be able to keep their job after demonstrating violence such as this.
I also am not the kind of person to just quietly disappear. This was wrong. This needs to be dealt with, and not with just a “Mr._______, what you did was wrong, don’t do that again.” (that blank isn't actually well technically a swear word... I guess maybe to me it is now)
I believe he will make life hell for me when/if I am in employment there again.
I guess I say this.
Bring it.
I’ve dealt with cowardly bullys like him before. I will do my job, and I will do it well and professionally just like always. I am not so fragile bullys like him can break me.
Am I afraid he will attempt retribution, or if I run into him while I am alone that he won’t try to threaten or react physically again?
Yes.
Will fear stop me from doing what's right?
No.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Purpose
"Cat's should be kicked, put down, big deal, it's a cat." he stated as if it were a fact.
"Excuse me?"
"Cats. I mean really what's their purpose? They have no purpose, it's not like their human."
"Oh. Well in that case, What's your purpose?" I said smugly.
"ah... um... I. I have a purpose..."
Silence.
He starts to laugh as he sees things from a different perspective.
"That's what I thought."
Did I "win"?
Did I get what I was looking for?
Not entirely.
You see, I did want him to see that his logic was based purely in ego. Which he did indeed do.
But I'm always looking for the otherside... what others are seeing that I'm missing.
I secretly was holding my breath.
Waiting.
Hopeing.
Wishing.
Wondering if he was going to reveal this secret of "Purpose".
Nope.
Just as clueless as the rest of us.
I do know though, that when you are doing something in your life day in and day out that does not sit well with you, you are wasting it.
Now, this doesn't (at the present moment) do me much good, since the thing that has me wasting my life is the place I spend the majority of my days... and since I am not independently wealthy I can not "Just" quit. Can anybody really?
I have my answer. I just don't have the equation on how to get there.
Great.
I have always sucked at math.
This could be one hell of a journey out.
But.
I will find it.
I have to.
I have a 7 year old girl who can not be let down one more time.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Going the distance
I did it.
I signed up for grandmas marathon June 18th.
Scared?
I'd being lying if I said no. Hell I'd be lying if I said just a little bit.
I've been running for about 2 years now. I started, to improve health. I was told I wouldn't be able to run because of knee issues when I was younger (teenage high school stuff) but I had a roommate 2 years ago, that is even more stubborn than I and she laughed, rolled her eyes and said "You can run. Everyone can run."
So I started.
And it was painful.
But I loved it.
And I hated it.
But I loved it.
I would sometimes dread the run in the first few months, but I always felt better after completing it. Not just physically, but mentally. I found myself in much better moods on the days I ran vs. the days I didn't.
So.... here we are almost 2 years later, and I did it. I signed up for the marathon. The farthest I have gone is a half marathon, and that was just for fun, not a race, just the long runs for fun on the weekend.
I started getting "runners knee" from not doing any sort of crosstraining. I mean, waste my time doing something other than running? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Yes.
Very serious.
Went to an orthopedic doc (who's amazing) after calling a copule of places explaining what my symptoms were to the nurse on the other end of the line and being told I should definitely come in and get it looked at.
"ok" I would say. "On one condition, the doctor can't tell me to stop running."
The first 3 places I either got a laugh in disbelief or a scoff folowed by "It's probably what the doctor will tell you, there are plenty of other ways to exercise, running is really bad for you."
"Well then, that's not the doctor for me." I said as I hung up the phone.
Stubborn?
Yes. Yes I am.
Long story short. I was a runner, like many others with "no butt." My gluteus minimus was, well, minimal to say the least. I needed to crosstrain in order to keep running.
So, I am. I started "pre-training" for my marathon 3 weeks ago. I'm slow. But what's worse is I'm impatient. And I'm stubborn. Right. We've already covered that.
I'm not so afraid of being able to finish, but I want to do it in 4 hours or less. So I push.
Last night I think I bruised my sesamoids. I'm going to keep blogging about this adventure, mostly to have something to look back on when I'm done, and maybe to sort out some of the things in my head as I go.
Right now, everything I've read says to rest it.
I don't want to.
But I will. For 3-4 days and we'll see what happens.
Did I mention I'm stubborn?
I signed up for grandmas marathon June 18th.
Scared?
I'd being lying if I said no. Hell I'd be lying if I said just a little bit.
I've been running for about 2 years now. I started, to improve health. I was told I wouldn't be able to run because of knee issues when I was younger (teenage high school stuff) but I had a roommate 2 years ago, that is even more stubborn than I and she laughed, rolled her eyes and said "You can run. Everyone can run."
So I started.
And it was painful.
But I loved it.
And I hated it.
But I loved it.
I would sometimes dread the run in the first few months, but I always felt better after completing it. Not just physically, but mentally. I found myself in much better moods on the days I ran vs. the days I didn't.
So.... here we are almost 2 years later, and I did it. I signed up for the marathon. The farthest I have gone is a half marathon, and that was just for fun, not a race, just the long runs for fun on the weekend.
I started getting "runners knee" from not doing any sort of crosstraining. I mean, waste my time doing something other than running? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Yes.
Very serious.
Went to an orthopedic doc (who's amazing) after calling a copule of places explaining what my symptoms were to the nurse on the other end of the line and being told I should definitely come in and get it looked at.
"ok" I would say. "On one condition, the doctor can't tell me to stop running."
The first 3 places I either got a laugh in disbelief or a scoff folowed by "It's probably what the doctor will tell you, there are plenty of other ways to exercise, running is really bad for you."
"Well then, that's not the doctor for me." I said as I hung up the phone.
Stubborn?
Yes. Yes I am.
Long story short. I was a runner, like many others with "no butt." My gluteus minimus was, well, minimal to say the least. I needed to crosstrain in order to keep running.
So, I am. I started "pre-training" for my marathon 3 weeks ago. I'm slow. But what's worse is I'm impatient. And I'm stubborn. Right. We've already covered that.
I'm not so afraid of being able to finish, but I want to do it in 4 hours or less. So I push.
Last night I think I bruised my sesamoids. I'm going to keep blogging about this adventure, mostly to have something to look back on when I'm done, and maybe to sort out some of the things in my head as I go.
Right now, everything I've read says to rest it.
I don't want to.
But I will. For 3-4 days and we'll see what happens.
Did I mention I'm stubborn?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
And they come....
Sitting at my desk at work.... feeling like hands are around my neck, and I'm suffocating.
YES. I know.
"You should be happy you have a job."
Fuck you I KNOW.
And I think that's what bothers me the most. Why can't I be like everyone else and just put in the hours, get my measly check go home and not have it affect me?
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?
Why is it, I feel like I'm suffocating?
I've worked a lot of jobs in my lifetime... starting at the age of 14. I've done production line work, and swore I would never do that for a living... one of the biggest reasons I went to college. I knew I needed more. I need to feel like I'm doing something that's either making a difference or creating something.
It's like that song... where she talks about having to get the words out on paper because they're threatening the life they belong to. I'm slowly suffocating. I don't want this.
I am looking for a new job, I'm looking for a way out. I just don't see one. And I'm scratching at the coffin lid, screaming in silence that I'm buried here, alive...
What if it never comes? What if I'm stuck in a job that is slowly sucking my life away? How do I change my attitude about it? I do I change the physical feeling of being suffocated or nausea at the thought of being here?
I don't expect work to be fun all of the time. I don't expect to do things that are always things I want to do. But I do expect to not feel like this. I can't. I love to work hard. I love to play hard.
Right now?
Well now, I feel the odd sensation of my heart beating hard in my chest and my throat tightening and tears on my cheeks. I can't find my way out. And I don't know what to do to pass the time.
And before you lecture me.... I know that work is called work for reason, I know that I'm not entitled to anything, I know that in this economy I should be thankful I'm employed at all.... I KNOW IT. And maybe that's why I'm struggling so much... I'm fighting hard to change my attitude, my perspective, I'm fighting to keep fighting... I'm getting tired.
YES. I know.
"You should be happy you have a job."
Fuck you I KNOW.
And I think that's what bothers me the most. Why can't I be like everyone else and just put in the hours, get my measly check go home and not have it affect me?
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?
Why is it, I feel like I'm suffocating?
I've worked a lot of jobs in my lifetime... starting at the age of 14. I've done production line work, and swore I would never do that for a living... one of the biggest reasons I went to college. I knew I needed more. I need to feel like I'm doing something that's either making a difference or creating something.
It's like that song... where she talks about having to get the words out on paper because they're threatening the life they belong to. I'm slowly suffocating. I don't want this.
I am looking for a new job, I'm looking for a way out. I just don't see one. And I'm scratching at the coffin lid, screaming in silence that I'm buried here, alive...
What if it never comes? What if I'm stuck in a job that is slowly sucking my life away? How do I change my attitude about it? I do I change the physical feeling of being suffocated or nausea at the thought of being here?
I don't expect work to be fun all of the time. I don't expect to do things that are always things I want to do. But I do expect to not feel like this. I can't. I love to work hard. I love to play hard.
Right now?
Well now, I feel the odd sensation of my heart beating hard in my chest and my throat tightening and tears on my cheeks. I can't find my way out. And I don't know what to do to pass the time.
And before you lecture me.... I know that work is called work for reason, I know that I'm not entitled to anything, I know that in this economy I should be thankful I'm employed at all.... I KNOW IT. And maybe that's why I'm struggling so much... I'm fighting hard to change my attitude, my perspective, I'm fighting to keep fighting... I'm getting tired.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Free Spirits and the Undies Vs. Mean Old Lady
Originally posted: Monday, November 12, 2007
Free Spirits and the Undies Vs. Mean Old Lady
Current mood: silly
Cyd, her sistercousin and I had a great afternoon, that actually blended into the evening Sat.
We were just hanging out.. looking for undies and other girlie unmentionables while we were ambushed by the Mean Old Lady... possesor of the Bitchy Old Soul.... Hunter of Laughter and Killer of Free Spirits.
sounds dangerous I know... grab your blankies and read on fearless readers!!!
Cyd was on the phone with a friend, Reese was looking at something else and I was left to my own devices.. (maybe not a good thing) when I found these slipper boots that made me giggle.
I love things that make me giggle by just looking at them (that might explain some of my past dates.. ahem)
Anyway they were these really fuzzy furry slippers that came in pink, hot pink and cream.. and I thought they were hilarious, and wondered how many muppets had to die to make each pair.. so I promptly decided Cyd would have the answer... put them on and hopped over to where she was. (I had to hop because they were hooked together.. that’s for you boys that might not know that much about slipper shopping)
Well as I was hopping I was of course giggling which in turn made Cyd start to giggle, and then she saw the reason for my hopping which made her giggle even more, which of course (yep you guessed it) made me giggle more...and we all know how quiet my laugh is.. NOT
I hopped back to the muppet slipper display and saw that directly behind it was a table of undies. Well they happened to have stars on them the same color as my muppet slippers so I thought it would look really cute together. I put the undies on over my jeans and the muppet slippers and hopped back to Cyd, which produced more laughter.
This laughter alerted Mean Old Lady and sent her on the hunt to kill the source...
She came at us like a heat seeking missle and in her very best condescending voice exlaimed “You cannot do that out here! You need to stop it!”
I looked at her with a straight face and said “ok... I’m sorry”
Promptly took the panties off, while Cyd and I giggled some more, and decided to purchase the panites and muppet boots so we started digging through the pile looking for our sizes. We were bantering back and forth, she was relaying what just happened to us to her friend on the phone, which made us giggle even more at the stupidity of the situation.
Well.. I can only imagine our laughter was piercing the ear drums of Mean Old Lady because once again she made a bee line for us.
“I asked you not to do that out here!”
“Yes, you asked us once and we stopped. Now we are just laughing.” I said aggravated at this point.
“Well, the reason is, is that it stretches out the elastic.”
I looked up at her with the straightest face I could put on and said “Did you just call me FAT?!?!?”
Which of course sent Cyd into peels of laughter, and my straight face directly out the window.
Mean Old Lady tried to regain some control of the situation “I AM NOT finding this as funny as you girls are!”
Straight face back on... “OBVIOUSLY!”
Mean Old Lady recognized her bitchy old soul no match for our free spirits and walked away.
Free Spirits 1 Mean Old Lady 0
Free Spirits and the Undies Vs. Mean Old Lady
Current mood: silly
Cyd, her sistercousin and I had a great afternoon, that actually blended into the evening Sat.
We were just hanging out.. looking for undies and other girlie unmentionables while we were ambushed by the Mean Old Lady... possesor of the Bitchy Old Soul.... Hunter of Laughter and Killer of Free Spirits.
sounds dangerous I know... grab your blankies and read on fearless readers!!!
Cyd was on the phone with a friend, Reese was looking at something else and I was left to my own devices.. (maybe not a good thing) when I found these slipper boots that made me giggle.
I love things that make me giggle by just looking at them (that might explain some of my past dates.. ahem)
Anyway they were these really fuzzy furry slippers that came in pink, hot pink and cream.. and I thought they were hilarious, and wondered how many muppets had to die to make each pair.. so I promptly decided Cyd would have the answer... put them on and hopped over to where she was. (I had to hop because they were hooked together.. that’s for you boys that might not know that much about slipper shopping)
Well as I was hopping I was of course giggling which in turn made Cyd start to giggle, and then she saw the reason for my hopping which made her giggle even more, which of course (yep you guessed it) made me giggle more...and we all know how quiet my laugh is.. NOT
I hopped back to the muppet slipper display and saw that directly behind it was a table of undies. Well they happened to have stars on them the same color as my muppet slippers so I thought it would look really cute together. I put the undies on over my jeans and the muppet slippers and hopped back to Cyd, which produced more laughter.
This laughter alerted Mean Old Lady and sent her on the hunt to kill the source...
She came at us like a heat seeking missle and in her very best condescending voice exlaimed “You cannot do that out here! You need to stop it!”
I looked at her with a straight face and said “ok... I’m sorry”
Promptly took the panties off, while Cyd and I giggled some more, and decided to purchase the panites and muppet boots so we started digging through the pile looking for our sizes. We were bantering back and forth, she was relaying what just happened to us to her friend on the phone, which made us giggle even more at the stupidity of the situation.
Well.. I can only imagine our laughter was piercing the ear drums of Mean Old Lady because once again she made a bee line for us.
“I asked you not to do that out here!”
“Yes, you asked us once and we stopped. Now we are just laughing.” I said aggravated at this point.
“Well, the reason is, is that it stretches out the elastic.”
I looked up at her with the straightest face I could put on and said “Did you just call me FAT?!?!?”
Which of course sent Cyd into peels of laughter, and my straight face directly out the window.
Mean Old Lady tried to regain some control of the situation “I AM NOT finding this as funny as you girls are!”
Straight face back on... “OBVIOUSLY!”
Mean Old Lady recognized her bitchy old soul no match for our free spirits and walked away.
Free Spirits 1 Mean Old Lady 0
Bed 1... Nixie 1
Bed 1... Nixie 1
Current mood: dorky
The saga of the elusive bed continues.....
I’m tired of sleeping on an air mattress. I have been sleeping (well not sleeping well) on it since the last week of September. Enough.
I decided after a few attempts to get my bed with others, that enough is enough I’m doing it myself. Well almost by myself.
I talked a co-worker into swinging by the old apt in Big Lake on her way home to help me lift them onto the top of my Elephant. While I was waiting for her I managed to get the box spring on by myself, and drag the mattress to the door ready and waiting.
I had one ratchet tie down thingy, and some rope.
It just happened to be one of the windiest days in a while.. yep, I’ve got GREAT timing.
We tied the mattresses to the elephant the best we could... have I mentioned I don’t do knots very well? I can horse tie, but that’s about it... so I horse tied the mattresses to the top of the elephant, cuz ya never know when you’re going to have to set the mattresses free if they fall down or start to spook for any reason. Whew. Good to know they won’t harm themselves in case that happens, cuz I can quickly set them free since I horse tied them!
Did you know that horse tying doesn’t necessarily keep things tight? I mean I think they loosen up a little... but I digress...
The 3 miles it took me to get to Target to buy more ratchet tie down thingys felt more like 30 miles. I moved my side mirrors to be able watch them fly away...er.. um.. keep and eye on them as they flopped and bounced and slid, but stayed on.
Made it to Targetto, bought 2 more really pretty hunter orange tie down ratchet type thingys and saw that they had those theft deterrent thick plastic tie things on them in the case, and thanked my lucky stars I noticed that before I got out to the elephant with boo and had to drag her back into the store to get a scissors to get them out.
Damn I’m smart.
Got boo to the elephant, got her in, told her it was important for her to stay in her seat while mama tried to secure the mattresses better as I started to take the ratchet tie down thingys out of their expensive packaging I saw two more of those theft deterrent things, swore under my breath as I got boo back out of her car seat and ran into the store (have I mentioned I was supposed to be meeting Gretta for some wings and fun?)
Finally got the ratchet tie down thingys completely out of the case and ran back out to the car and got boo in her car seat and told her it was important.... (yeah you get the picture, there’s a lot of repeating things as a parent.. or maybe it’s just as a Nixie?)
Boo was super amazing, or maybe it was just that it was another one of those times her mama was acting like a crazy person....
You see I have 4 ratchet tie down thingys that I bought almost 3 years ago when I moved... and I never used them, I took them out of the package and couldn’t get them to start ratchet-ing... yeah I know... I r smrt. But after using the one earlier, that was already started.. I saw how they worked and knew I could figure it out.
I started to put one on, threw it over the top of the elephant (not the ratchet end.. so don’t worry I didn’t break my window) and went to the other side to secure that end.. only it wouldn’t reach.
F*@%!
Ok.. back to the other side to make some slack... at which point I pulled on the tie down, it went flying (guess I didn’t secure it very well) and flew back at me, hit the van parked beside me, and somehow I lost the ratchet end that was on my side.
LOST IT.
It wasn’t under my elephant, it wasn’t under the van next to me, or under the car on the other side... it wasn’t in my elephant, it wasn’t ANYWHERE!
Yep... it’s amazing isn’t it?
At this point I’m thinking how in the hell does that happen?
So.. fighting back the frustration and trying not to teach my boo a whole bunch of words she really shouldn’t know... I decide well fuck, at least I have another one... but how the HELL does THAT HAPPEN???!!!
I start again with the other ratchet tie down thingy fighting back the voice in my head thats telling me I’m stranded, that’s it, I can’t do it, I‘m going to wreck my brand new mattress set, and probably kill somebody on the road in the process, and really feeling like a failure, fighting back tears of frustration...and it happens.
I hear “Would you like some help with that?’
“YES!”
So this amazing person, takes her baby to her car (parked next to mine) puts him in the car seat, and takes time to help me.
We got the first one on, and while I was climbing on top of my elephant I found the ratchet part of the other tied down that had tried to escape... HA !! BASTARD! Found you!!!! Thank god I didn’t say that out loud, I probably would’ve frightened off my help...
I thanked my helper, (another single mom) over and over and over, and she said, “Hey, I know what its like, and we can do this” and I knew by the tone in her voice she was talking about more than just my mattresses.
I tightened the shit out of the tie downs, and put two horizontally, and one vertically so I knew logically this mattress set wasn’t going anywhere.. so I should be able to chill right?
Not me. I fretted and watched, and fretted for about 20 miles, stopped got gas checked the situation, and finally trusted that they weren’t going anywhere.
Boo and I cheered when we saw the sign for Edina, and finally made it home.
The end?
Nope....
Cyd and I got the mattress into the house... (we moved it end over end, cuz dammit that’s one heavy mattress with not a handle to be found anywhere... Stupid design..)
Shoved, and pulled, and pushed, and laughed, and squeezed and FINALLY got the mattress upstairs.
Next the easy part...the box spring... much lighter, much easier to handle right?
Yes.
Well... until we got to the part where we shoved, and pulled and pushed, and laughed, and squee.... OH SHIT the box spring does not squeeze. OH... SHIT!!! NO!!!
So.. I slept on my mattress on the floor, defeated, while the box spring sat downstairs in the dining room mocking me.
***cut scene to nixie darkly lit, music building in the back ground and she says with her fist raised high in the air*****
“I swear, as god is my witness I’ll never go hungry again!”
wait.. that’s not it... oh who knows... I haven’t slept well since the last week of september ...
Current mood: dorky
The saga of the elusive bed continues.....
I’m tired of sleeping on an air mattress. I have been sleeping (well not sleeping well) on it since the last week of September. Enough.
I decided after a few attempts to get my bed with others, that enough is enough I’m doing it myself. Well almost by myself.
I talked a co-worker into swinging by the old apt in Big Lake on her way home to help me lift them onto the top of my Elephant. While I was waiting for her I managed to get the box spring on by myself, and drag the mattress to the door ready and waiting.
I had one ratchet tie down thingy, and some rope.
It just happened to be one of the windiest days in a while.. yep, I’ve got GREAT timing.
We tied the mattresses to the elephant the best we could... have I mentioned I don’t do knots very well? I can horse tie, but that’s about it... so I horse tied the mattresses to the top of the elephant, cuz ya never know when you’re going to have to set the mattresses free if they fall down or start to spook for any reason. Whew. Good to know they won’t harm themselves in case that happens, cuz I can quickly set them free since I horse tied them!
Did you know that horse tying doesn’t necessarily keep things tight? I mean I think they loosen up a little... but I digress...
The 3 miles it took me to get to Target to buy more ratchet tie down thingys felt more like 30 miles. I moved my side mirrors to be able watch them fly away...er.. um.. keep and eye on them as they flopped and bounced and slid, but stayed on.
Made it to Targetto, bought 2 more really pretty hunter orange tie down ratchet type thingys and saw that they had those theft deterrent thick plastic tie things on them in the case, and thanked my lucky stars I noticed that before I got out to the elephant with boo and had to drag her back into the store to get a scissors to get them out.
Damn I’m smart.
Got boo to the elephant, got her in, told her it was important for her to stay in her seat while mama tried to secure the mattresses better as I started to take the ratchet tie down thingys out of their expensive packaging I saw two more of those theft deterrent things, swore under my breath as I got boo back out of her car seat and ran into the store (have I mentioned I was supposed to be meeting Gretta for some wings and fun?)
Finally got the ratchet tie down thingys completely out of the case and ran back out to the car and got boo in her car seat and told her it was important.... (yeah you get the picture, there’s a lot of repeating things as a parent.. or maybe it’s just as a Nixie?)
Boo was super amazing, or maybe it was just that it was another one of those times her mama was acting like a crazy person....
You see I have 4 ratchet tie down thingys that I bought almost 3 years ago when I moved... and I never used them, I took them out of the package and couldn’t get them to start ratchet-ing... yeah I know... I r smrt. But after using the one earlier, that was already started.. I saw how they worked and knew I could figure it out.
I started to put one on, threw it over the top of the elephant (not the ratchet end.. so don’t worry I didn’t break my window) and went to the other side to secure that end.. only it wouldn’t reach.
F*@%!
Ok.. back to the other side to make some slack... at which point I pulled on the tie down, it went flying (guess I didn’t secure it very well) and flew back at me, hit the van parked beside me, and somehow I lost the ratchet end that was on my side.
LOST IT.
It wasn’t under my elephant, it wasn’t under the van next to me, or under the car on the other side... it wasn’t in my elephant, it wasn’t ANYWHERE!
Yep... it’s amazing isn’t it?
At this point I’m thinking how in the hell does that happen?
So.. fighting back the frustration and trying not to teach my boo a whole bunch of words she really shouldn’t know... I decide well fuck, at least I have another one... but how the HELL does THAT HAPPEN???!!!
I start again with the other ratchet tie down thingy fighting back the voice in my head thats telling me I’m stranded, that’s it, I can’t do it, I‘m going to wreck my brand new mattress set, and probably kill somebody on the road in the process, and really feeling like a failure, fighting back tears of frustration...and it happens.
I hear “Would you like some help with that?’
“YES!”
So this amazing person, takes her baby to her car (parked next to mine) puts him in the car seat, and takes time to help me.
We got the first one on, and while I was climbing on top of my elephant I found the ratchet part of the other tied down that had tried to escape... HA !! BASTARD! Found you!!!! Thank god I didn’t say that out loud, I probably would’ve frightened off my help...
I thanked my helper, (another single mom) over and over and over, and she said, “Hey, I know what its like, and we can do this” and I knew by the tone in her voice she was talking about more than just my mattresses.
I tightened the shit out of the tie downs, and put two horizontally, and one vertically so I knew logically this mattress set wasn’t going anywhere.. so I should be able to chill right?
Not me. I fretted and watched, and fretted for about 20 miles, stopped got gas checked the situation, and finally trusted that they weren’t going anywhere.
Boo and I cheered when we saw the sign for Edina, and finally made it home.
The end?
Nope....
Cyd and I got the mattress into the house... (we moved it end over end, cuz dammit that’s one heavy mattress with not a handle to be found anywhere... Stupid design..)
Shoved, and pulled, and pushed, and laughed, and squeezed and FINALLY got the mattress upstairs.
Next the easy part...the box spring... much lighter, much easier to handle right?
Yes.
Well... until we got to the part where we shoved, and pulled and pushed, and laughed, and squee.... OH SHIT the box spring does not squeeze. OH... SHIT!!! NO!!!
So.. I slept on my mattress on the floor, defeated, while the box spring sat downstairs in the dining room mocking me.
***cut scene to nixie darkly lit, music building in the back ground and she says with her fist raised high in the air*****
“I swear, as god is my witness I’ll never go hungry again!”
wait.. that’s not it... oh who knows... I haven’t slept well since the last week of september ...
It’s the in the wind
Originally posted: Tuesday, October 09, 2007
It’s the in the wind
Current mood: restless
I’m restless.
I feel like I’m in a hurry, yet with no particular destination.
Not a stressed feeling... more like energized, excited.
Looking forward with impatience.
I think it’s the time of year.
I love seeing the changes in the leaves, and even the chill in the air, (yes this freeze baby just said that.)
I don’t like the cold, but there’s something about “crisp” weather that makes me want to move.
I want to ride horse, go shopping for big cozy clothes, drink hot chocolate after playing outside with boo boo till her little cheeks get pink. I want to go to a far away pumpkin patch that takes all day to drive there and search for the perfect one, come home and carve the most goulish face boo will let me on it, and then roast the seeds....
Growing up we never had to go to a pumpkin patch, we just took a trip out to the garden.... I like going to the “patch”. It’s just so much more of an event, and adventure, and it seems with the weather, the harder wind blows, the harder I’m being pushed towards......
.....something........
restless
It reminds me of the movie Chocolat with Johnny Depp... “Once upon a time, there was a quiet little village in the French countryside, whose people believed in Tranquilité - Tranquility. If you lived in this village, you understood what was expected of you. You knew your place in the scheme of things. And if you happened to forget, someone would help remind you. In this village, if you saw something you weren’t supposed to see, you learned to look the other way. If perchance your hopes had been disappointed, you learned never to ask for more. So through good times and bad, famine and feast, the villagers held fast to their traditions. Until, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North... ................”
I grew up in a town like that.
I understood what was expected of me.
I knew my place.
and I couldn’t wait to get out
My North wind was graduation and college and a boy and the overwhelming feeling there’s more... and later I found myself in another town, in a different yet similar place with very similar expectations.
and again, I felt trapped
Now?
I don’t feel trapped.
I’m happy, I’m proud of myself and my daughter. Of the struggles that come with being a parent, hell.. of just being an adult. I like who I am, where I live, my friends, being single plus one, of the quality of work I do, of the work I’m capable of, of the acting I get to do, the experiences and lessons life has to offer.
“But still the clever north wind was not satisfied. It spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought...
restless
I used to think there was something wrong with me.. that I was never satisfied, that I wasn’t happy with the “normal life” everyone else seemed to be.... but now I really think that if the “wind” didn’t push me forward, I think perhaps I would never become what I am capable of, I would have stopped back in that small town .......
>i/i<
Yep, I must be crazy.
Crazy about life and all that it holds, I want to see it all.........
It’s the in the wind
Current mood: restless
I’m restless.
I feel like I’m in a hurry, yet with no particular destination.
Not a stressed feeling... more like energized, excited.
Looking forward with impatience.
I think it’s the time of year.
I love seeing the changes in the leaves, and even the chill in the air, (yes this freeze baby just said that.)
I don’t like the cold, but there’s something about “crisp” weather that makes me want to move.
I want to ride horse, go shopping for big cozy clothes, drink hot chocolate after playing outside with boo boo till her little cheeks get pink. I want to go to a far away pumpkin patch that takes all day to drive there and search for the perfect one, come home and carve the most goulish face boo will let me on it, and then roast the seeds....
Growing up we never had to go to a pumpkin patch, we just took a trip out to the garden.... I like going to the “patch”. It’s just so much more of an event, and adventure, and it seems with the weather, the harder wind blows, the harder I’m being pushed towards......
.....something........
restless
It reminds me of the movie Chocolat with Johnny Depp... “Once upon a time, there was a quiet little village in the French countryside, whose people believed in Tranquilité - Tranquility. If you lived in this village, you understood what was expected of you. You knew your place in the scheme of things. And if you happened to forget, someone would help remind you. In this village, if you saw something you weren’t supposed to see, you learned to look the other way. If perchance your hopes had been disappointed, you learned never to ask for more. So through good times and bad, famine and feast, the villagers held fast to their traditions. Until, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North... ................”
I grew up in a town like that.
I understood what was expected of me.
I knew my place.
and I couldn’t wait to get out
My North wind was graduation and college and a boy and the overwhelming feeling there’s more... and later I found myself in another town, in a different yet similar place with very similar expectations.
and again, I felt trapped
Now?
I don’t feel trapped.
I’m happy, I’m proud of myself and my daughter. Of the struggles that come with being a parent, hell.. of just being an adult. I like who I am, where I live, my friends, being single plus one, of the quality of work I do, of the work I’m capable of, of the acting I get to do, the experiences and lessons life has to offer.
“But still the clever north wind was not satisfied. It spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought...
restless
I used to think there was something wrong with me.. that I was never satisfied, that I wasn’t happy with the “normal life” everyone else seemed to be.... but now I really think that if the “wind” didn’t push me forward, I think perhaps I would never become what I am capable of, I would have stopped back in that small town .......
>i
Yep, I must be crazy.
Crazy about life and all that it holds, I want to see it all.........
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
“Soulmates”
Originally posted: Friday, September 21, 2007
“Soulmates”
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Romance and Relationships
I’ve been asked a couple of times now what I meant when I said ...
“I believe in soulmates, but not in the traditional sense”
“Wha?” You say
Well, lemme tell you.
I used to believe in the “one” soulmate that was somehow magically made for you... your other half, your “split apart” your “lobster”
I met my first husband while walking into a bar and grill for happy hour with some girlfriends.
I was walking in, he was walking out.
As as we passed there was something about him that made me want to know more.... it was something that I couldn’t ignore... it was that strong....
And before all of you start thinking or start mumbling to yourselves things like... “Well yeah you thought he was hot, or it had been a while or it was lust etc.”.. let me just say that while I did think he was attractive, it wasn’t that. I had seen plenty o f attractive men but none had evoked this I must meet this person, he/she is supposed to be in my life one way or another, for a couple of minutes or maybe a lifetime, who knows... all I know is I must meet this person
So I got his attention, and we set up a date. We ended up getting married 2 years later.
If you would’ve asked me then I would have told you I met my one and only “soul mate”.
Now?
Well yes, he was someone that was supposed to be in my life, someone I have learned from, but he was not meant to be in my life forever.
I sometimes wonder if I had not believed in that kind of one and only soul mate when I met him... would I have stayed as long as I did in a very volatile, abusive relationship?
I love the idea of a one and only soul mate.
I also love the idea of unicorns.
You see I do believe we have soul mates around us.. those people that you click with automatically before you even strike up a conversation, or the first time you spend time together you are so comfortable around them.. energized and peaceful all at once.
Looking at relationships and friendships what I have come to believe is that I have soul mates in my life that I know will, at least in some capacity, be in my life forever. All of these relationships are friendships. A few men, but mostly women... women seem to want to control me less.
I know it’s my perspective (cuz really what else am I going to base a belief on?) but I have not seen very many “love” relationships that have stood the test of time and are still good relationships. I know of plenty that have fallen apart, plenty that are married and feel trapped or are so miserable to each other it seems they’ve forgotten their real life goal and decided there new one is “I’m gonna force this relationship to last no matter what, I don’t care how miserable she/he makes me or I them DAMMIT! I will not give up!”
I also know of a handful of “love” relationships that have lasted and should last and unless something drastic happens they will last.
The common thing in these relationships?
Love does not tie you to someone, it bonds you to them. It is not necessarily forever. It is a choice to continue to be together as long as you are adding to their life instead of subtracting from it. There is no fear that they will leave you for someone else, or that just because you love them they are somehow now your possession. It almost all of these strong relationships I see a solid mutually respectful friendship, first. A respect for that person that for some reason seems to get lost in a “love” relationship and replaced with a sense of owe-nership.. no that’s not a spelling error.
I mean it in the sense that it seems that once it becomes a “love” relationship there is a sense that if you give your love to someone that other person now somehow owes you something... their love back, their freedom to make choices you don’t agree with, their freedom to be away from you, to spend time with other people, to watch certain tv shows, music choices, to behave the way you want them to, and think like you do.
In “friendships” it doesn’t seem this “owe-nership” exists. You continue to see this person autonomous of yourself, and you respect and like that fact.... I have never had a friendship that has so many restrictive rules, and it seems most “love” relationships come with an abundance of them.
So do Soul mates exist?
Yep... if you allow them to keep their own soul instead of gripping onto it so tightly you choke it....
“Soulmates”
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Romance and Relationships
I’ve been asked a couple of times now what I meant when I said ...
“I believe in soulmates, but not in the traditional sense”
“Wha?” You say
Well, lemme tell you.
I used to believe in the “one” soulmate that was somehow magically made for you... your other half, your “split apart” your “lobster”
I met my first husband while walking into a bar and grill for happy hour with some girlfriends.
I was walking in, he was walking out.
As as we passed there was something about him that made me want to know more.... it was something that I couldn’t ignore... it was that strong....
And before all of you start thinking or start mumbling to yourselves things like... “Well yeah you thought he was hot, or it had been a while or it was lust etc.”.. let me just say that while I did think he was attractive, it wasn’t that. I had seen plenty o f attractive men but none had evoked this I must meet this person, he/she is supposed to be in my life one way or another, for a couple of minutes or maybe a lifetime, who knows... all I know is I must meet this person
So I got his attention, and we set up a date. We ended up getting married 2 years later.
If you would’ve asked me then I would have told you I met my one and only “soul mate”.
Now?
Well yes, he was someone that was supposed to be in my life, someone I have learned from, but he was not meant to be in my life forever.
I sometimes wonder if I had not believed in that kind of one and only soul mate when I met him... would I have stayed as long as I did in a very volatile, abusive relationship?
I love the idea of a one and only soul mate.
I also love the idea of unicorns.
You see I do believe we have soul mates around us.. those people that you click with automatically before you even strike up a conversation, or the first time you spend time together you are so comfortable around them.. energized and peaceful all at once.
Looking at relationships and friendships what I have come to believe is that I have soul mates in my life that I know will, at least in some capacity, be in my life forever. All of these relationships are friendships. A few men, but mostly women... women seem to want to control me less.
I know it’s my perspective (cuz really what else am I going to base a belief on?) but I have not seen very many “love” relationships that have stood the test of time and are still good relationships. I know of plenty that have fallen apart, plenty that are married and feel trapped or are so miserable to each other it seems they’ve forgotten their real life goal and decided there new one is “I’m gonna force this relationship to last no matter what, I don’t care how miserable she/he makes me or I them DAMMIT! I will not give up!”
I also know of a handful of “love” relationships that have lasted and should last and unless something drastic happens they will last.
The common thing in these relationships?
Love does not tie you to someone, it bonds you to them. It is not necessarily forever. It is a choice to continue to be together as long as you are adding to their life instead of subtracting from it. There is no fear that they will leave you for someone else, or that just because you love them they are somehow now your possession. It almost all of these strong relationships I see a solid mutually respectful friendship, first. A respect for that person that for some reason seems to get lost in a “love” relationship and replaced with a sense of owe-nership.. no that’s not a spelling error.
I mean it in the sense that it seems that once it becomes a “love” relationship there is a sense that if you give your love to someone that other person now somehow owes you something... their love back, their freedom to make choices you don’t agree with, their freedom to be away from you, to spend time with other people, to watch certain tv shows, music choices, to behave the way you want them to, and think like you do.
In “friendships” it doesn’t seem this “owe-nership” exists. You continue to see this person autonomous of yourself, and you respect and like that fact.... I have never had a friendship that has so many restrictive rules, and it seems most “love” relationships come with an abundance of them.
So do Soul mates exist?
Yep... if you allow them to keep their own soul instead of gripping onto it so tightly you choke it....
The images in my head
Originally posted: Thursday, September 13, 2007
The images in my head
Current mood: restless
I think I’ve watched too many movies....although right now I can’t think of one that has the scene playing in my head.
I love storms.
I love thunder, the kind that shakes your soul, that cracks so loud that you’re sure something somewhere was just demolished.
I love warm rain, I used to walk for miles in the rain... it was almost as each drop that fell pushed me to walk farther, and the more rains soaked I became the more free I became.
Maybe it has something to do with following the rules. “Don’t go out in the rain, you’ll catch a cold.”
“Oh really? Do something I’m not supposed to? Ok! Let’s test that theory.”
The first drops always felt alien and cold... but as my clothes and hair became saturated I didn’t even notice them falling on me, just around me... like I became part of the rain.
I used to dream of kissing in the rain, passions taking over and making love as the thunder crashed.... bodies wet from not only the rain but sweat.
It’s funny how something that you feel you need to stay away from or out of (the rain) becomes so natural, so much a part of you that when it finally comes time to take off the wet clothes, that’s what feels most alien, and you want nothing more than to jump into more (rain)... a nice hot shower, to soak yourself some more......
The images in my head
Current mood: restless
I think I’ve watched too many movies....although right now I can’t think of one that has the scene playing in my head.
I love storms.
I love thunder, the kind that shakes your soul, that cracks so loud that you’re sure something somewhere was just demolished.
I love warm rain, I used to walk for miles in the rain... it was almost as each drop that fell pushed me to walk farther, and the more rains soaked I became the more free I became.
Maybe it has something to do with following the rules. “Don’t go out in the rain, you’ll catch a cold.”
“Oh really? Do something I’m not supposed to? Ok! Let’s test that theory.”
The first drops always felt alien and cold... but as my clothes and hair became saturated I didn’t even notice them falling on me, just around me... like I became part of the rain.
I used to dream of kissing in the rain, passions taking over and making love as the thunder crashed.... bodies wet from not only the rain but sweat.
It’s funny how something that you feel you need to stay away from or out of (the rain) becomes so natural, so much a part of you that when it finally comes time to take off the wet clothes, that’s what feels most alien, and you want nothing more than to jump into more (rain)... a nice hot shower, to soak yourself some more......
He was watching me.
Originally posted Tuesday, September 11, 2007
He was watching me.
Current mood: geeky
I walked into the bathroom, and I’m sure now that he was watching me then.
I didn’t know that as I pulled my shirt over my head, and slid my panties down that he was there, waiting.
I turned on the water, and made sure it was just the right temperature, steaming hot.... oh... I like hot showers.
I pulled back the curtain, and stepped into the stream of hot water and sighed as I felt it on my skin.
He was watching me then.
I turned around, and let the water fall on my head, soaking the unruly mass of hair into submission if only for a short while.
His eyes were still on me.
I washed my hair, and every inch of my body.
He watched me.
I dropped the soap.
We were eye to eyes.
I screamed and jump out of the shower wet and naked not quite sure what to do.
The little bastard was there the whole fucking time... watching me.. waiting to attack... if it wasn’t for the natural born clutz I am who know what would have happened?
I grabbed the conditioner bottle and squashed him...once again averting their clever little sneak attacks.
Spiders 0
Nixie somewhere in the 100’s
He was watching me.
Current mood: geeky
I walked into the bathroom, and I’m sure now that he was watching me then.
I didn’t know that as I pulled my shirt over my head, and slid my panties down that he was there, waiting.
I turned on the water, and made sure it was just the right temperature, steaming hot.... oh... I like hot showers.
I pulled back the curtain, and stepped into the stream of hot water and sighed as I felt it on my skin.
He was watching me then.
I turned around, and let the water fall on my head, soaking the unruly mass of hair into submission if only for a short while.
His eyes were still on me.
I washed my hair, and every inch of my body.
He watched me.
I dropped the soap.
We were eye to eyes.
I screamed and jump out of the shower wet and naked not quite sure what to do.
The little bastard was there the whole fucking time... watching me.. waiting to attack... if it wasn’t for the natural born clutz I am who know what would have happened?
I grabbed the conditioner bottle and squashed him...once again averting their clever little sneak attacks.
Spiders 0
Nixie somewhere in the 100’s
A 3 hour tour
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
A 3 hour tour
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Romance and Relationships
Ummmm......yeah.......
A 3 hour phone call, gone no where.
Belch. Seriously? Yes... why yes yes I am serious!
Why would you stay on a phone call that long?
Well to understand something better.
Do you?
Actually I think I do.
Oh yeah Like what?
That fear is a bitch, and so is selfishness, and using the term “love” to your advantage. That honor is subjective to the person using the term, and apparently freedom to be who you are is not an option if you “love” someone... it means you give up “freedom”.
Is that what you believe?
Fuck no. I think that love is allowing that person to be themselves separate from you, supporting, wanting that person to be free, to live their life to the fullest, helping them do it, pushing them to move past the fear and onto the greatness, watching them grow and being by their side to be their shoulder when they need it, and be at an arms length when they need more room. I think that love means you don’t want to control another person, that you want them to choose their path, whatever that might be, and saying I will always be there, as long as I am adding to your life and taking away from it.I don’t think love means you need to choose it over something else... it’s given, it comes with no ties, but a bond. A bond of trust that no matter what you do, love remains. A bond of trust that leads you to grow and become less selfish and more giving, doing things that make you happy, and wanting to do things to make the other person happy, a fine balance that must be done without hurting or giving up yourself. Love doesn’t not mean completing another person, it means being complete all on your own, and sharing yourself with another, never “needing” that person, but wanting, choosing that person to be in your life, for who they are already and not what they can do for you.
Have you found love?
Yes, yes I have. I’ve found it. First within myself, because without loving myself I have no idea what it would mean to love, and to want to give love. I’ve found it with my boo, my family and my friends.
Yeah, I know... but what about “love”, ya know... the “companion, soul mate, partner” type love?
No. Not yet
A 3 hour tour
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Romance and Relationships
Ummmm......yeah.......
A 3 hour phone call, gone no where.
Belch. Seriously? Yes... why yes yes I am serious!
Why would you stay on a phone call that long?
Well to understand something better.
Do you?
Actually I think I do.
Oh yeah Like what?
That fear is a bitch, and so is selfishness, and using the term “love” to your advantage. That honor is subjective to the person using the term, and apparently freedom to be who you are is not an option if you “love” someone... it means you give up “freedom”.
Is that what you believe?
Fuck no. I think that love is allowing that person to be themselves separate from you, supporting, wanting that person to be free, to live their life to the fullest, helping them do it, pushing them to move past the fear and onto the greatness, watching them grow and being by their side to be their shoulder when they need it, and be at an arms length when they need more room. I think that love means you don’t want to control another person, that you want them to choose their path, whatever that might be, and saying I will always be there, as long as I am adding to your life and taking away from it.I don’t think love means you need to choose it over something else... it’s given, it comes with no ties, but a bond. A bond of trust that no matter what you do, love remains. A bond of trust that leads you to grow and become less selfish and more giving, doing things that make you happy, and wanting to do things to make the other person happy, a fine balance that must be done without hurting or giving up yourself. Love doesn’t not mean completing another person, it means being complete all on your own, and sharing yourself with another, never “needing” that person, but wanting, choosing that person to be in your life, for who they are already and not what they can do for you.
Have you found love?
Yes, yes I have. I’ve found it. First within myself, because without loving myself I have no idea what it would mean to love, and to want to give love. I’ve found it with my boo, my family and my friends.
Yeah, I know... but what about “love”, ya know... the “companion, soul mate, partner” type love?
No. Not yet
Fly High Freebird.....
Originally posted: Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Fly High Freebird.....
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Romance and Relationshihps
I’m tired.
And before I splatter my thoughts on this blank white box, I want you all to know I’m good. I’m me, I’m strong, I’m happy....but... I’m tired.
I love being my stubborn self, as independent as I can possibly be. I want to do it myself or at least try before I even think of asking anyone else to do it for me.
Things are different this year. There’s something I’ve never had to face before, and I thought it was going to be a lot easier than it’s turned out to be.
I’m tired of being the strong one.
I just want to lay my head on someone else’s shoulder for a short while, have them stroke my hair from my face and tell me every thing’s going to be all right. Hold me close, always be there for me to count on, knowing they can count on me right back. I want to give myself completely, share everything, and give them room to fly as they do the same for me in return... I want to journey through this life with a partner, and that’s new for me, and maybe the most frustrating part... not so clear.
I still would and am choosing to be single vs. being with someone that isn’t right, or being in love with the idea of being in love... thank god I have that figured out, at least. That’s why I was single for almost 3 years before my last relationship.... but in having that last relationship, I’ve found some new gremlins in the closet, they’re too little to be monsters, but they’re shitty none the less.
I had my moments of being lonely, but generally I enjoyed being by myself, and choosing to be with my friends or my boo vs. spending time “dating”. Most importantly I hadn’t found anyone I that I was willing to sacrifice my time with my boo or friends for.
Once comforting, high school girl giddiness inducing thoughts now only evoke, an ache I wasn’t aware of before.
You see, the relationships I have had in the past were nothing worth trying again for. I mean if that is what a relationship was there was no way in hell I want any part of it. Therefore, nothing really to miss, more of a relief when they were over, and something I had held onto long before I ever was willing to let go. (yep, there’s that stubborn streak).
I’m not sure, if the ending of this last one is the dodging of a bullet, or a flash of bliss that will always be kept just out of reach. Would I have been better off if I had never seen it, still believing something like that never existed? Seeing what I see now..........Did it really exist in the first place?
There are things now I see about him that most likely would’ve ended the relationship eventually anyway. Different paths, life choices, and things I may have seen through those lovely rose colored glasses. I’m not saying he was/is a bad person, on the contrary I have not had that close of a connection with anyone ever before... it’s like planting a seed, watching this amazing flower grow and ripping the plant from the roots, and damnit, now there’s a mess.
There’s a empty place that before was perfectly fine. That didn’t know there was anything else that could be added to it.
I am missing the connection. But am I really missing the person?
I didn’t believe there was someone like him before I met him, (the freedom and the space he gave me, the comfort level between us, the laughter, the ease of the relationship BUT... still only wanting me the way HE wanted me) and I’m betting the way the world works, there’s another someone somewhere down the road that will see me for who I am, and will not like most other men I’ve met before want to put me in a jar on that little display case on their shelf, and only take me down to play with me when they want to. Always trying to keep me in line. ha ha ha ha... yeah I know me "in line"
But what if there isn’t, and now you have that empty place, what now?
I’m a free spirit.
I will not be contained... and until I find someone that can fly with me, I prefer to soar the sky alone.
Fly High Freebird.....
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Romance and Relationshihps
I’m tired.
And before I splatter my thoughts on this blank white box, I want you all to know I’m good. I’m me, I’m strong, I’m happy....but... I’m tired.
I love being my stubborn self, as independent as I can possibly be. I want to do it myself or at least try before I even think of asking anyone else to do it for me.
Things are different this year. There’s something I’ve never had to face before, and I thought it was going to be a lot easier than it’s turned out to be.
I’m tired of being the strong one.
I just want to lay my head on someone else’s shoulder for a short while, have them stroke my hair from my face and tell me every thing’s going to be all right. Hold me close, always be there for me to count on, knowing they can count on me right back. I want to give myself completely, share everything, and give them room to fly as they do the same for me in return... I want to journey through this life with a partner, and that’s new for me, and maybe the most frustrating part... not so clear.
I still would and am choosing to be single vs. being with someone that isn’t right, or being in love with the idea of being in love... thank god I have that figured out, at least. That’s why I was single for almost 3 years before my last relationship.... but in having that last relationship, I’ve found some new gremlins in the closet, they’re too little to be monsters, but they’re shitty none the less.
I had my moments of being lonely, but generally I enjoyed being by myself, and choosing to be with my friends or my boo vs. spending time “dating”. Most importantly I hadn’t found anyone I that I was willing to sacrifice my time with my boo or friends for.
Once comforting, high school girl giddiness inducing thoughts now only evoke, an ache I wasn’t aware of before.
You see, the relationships I have had in the past were nothing worth trying again for. I mean if that is what a relationship was there was no way in hell I want any part of it. Therefore, nothing really to miss, more of a relief when they were over, and something I had held onto long before I ever was willing to let go. (yep, there’s that stubborn streak).
I’m not sure, if the ending of this last one is the dodging of a bullet, or a flash of bliss that will always be kept just out of reach. Would I have been better off if I had never seen it, still believing something like that never existed? Seeing what I see now..........Did it really exist in the first place?
There are things now I see about him that most likely would’ve ended the relationship eventually anyway. Different paths, life choices, and things I may have seen through those lovely rose colored glasses. I’m not saying he was/is a bad person, on the contrary I have not had that close of a connection with anyone ever before... it’s like planting a seed, watching this amazing flower grow and ripping the plant from the roots, and damnit, now there’s a mess.
There’s a empty place that before was perfectly fine. That didn’t know there was anything else that could be added to it.
I am missing the connection. But am I really missing the person?
I didn’t believe there was someone like him before I met him, (the freedom and the space he gave me, the comfort level between us, the laughter, the ease of the relationship BUT... still only wanting me the way HE wanted me) and I’m betting the way the world works, there’s another someone somewhere down the road that will see me for who I am, and will not like most other men I’ve met before want to put me in a jar on that little display case on their shelf, and only take me down to play with me when they want to. Always trying to keep me in line. ha ha ha ha... yeah I know me "in line"
But what if there isn’t, and now you have that empty place, what now?
I’m a free spirit.
I will not be contained... and until I find someone that can fly with me, I prefer to soar the sky alone.
Smooth Operator
Originally posted Friday, August 03, 2007
Smooth Operator
Current mood: giggly
I went to Caribou this morning... it’s a Friday morning ritual... 3 of us take turns in the office... today was my day.
Ok.. only two drinks today, one girl is not coming in I’m so on top of things I think to myself.
“Hi yeah, I’d like a Moosed Iced Chai, and a Northern LIghts cooler also Moosed, both large please.”
The nice young man repeats my order correctly, gives me my total and ends his sentence with the ever familiar “at your first window”
Huh.. there is only ONE window, he must be still half asleep, he should drink some of what he’s selling!
There were a few cars in front of me so I decide I should use my time wisely and made a call to the auto repair shop to try to set up an appointment for my poor little bug.
Yep...I’m doin’ good this morning... effecient!
It’s finally my turn, and I pull up hand the young man my card, he smiles and asks “Do you need a receipt?”
“Nope! I’m good thanks”
Suppressing a laugh and averting his eyes to the side he grabs the cooler and hands it to me.
“I think that’s a cooler, do you want to taste it to make sure?”
Thinking that’s a little odd because I actually ordered a cooler I obliged and said “Yep, that’s a cooler.”
“ahhh ok, I’m sorry” and he reaches for the drink back
“Huh?”
“Well, you ordered a hot drink right?”
“No, I ordered the Cooler and a Iced Chai”
“Oh!, I’m sorry just a second I’ll get that” he replied again, suppressing a laugh.
somebody must have told a good joke in there or is teasing him I think as I wait much more patiently than the stuffy business man behind me seems to be doing.
A couple of minutes later, another nice young man comes to the window bearing my Iced Chai, and hands it to me with cheeks slightly red and trying unsuccessfully to hide his smirk
What in the world is going on in there? Oh well at least they are having fun while they are at work!I think as I drive off.
I get to work drinks in hand, set them down and start to settle in... I reach up to take my sunglasses off, and then it all becomes very very clear.
This is what they were laughing at.
Yep, I’m so “together” this morning I was wearing TWO pairs of sunglasses as I confidently placed my order at Caribou.
Smooth Operator
Current mood: giggly
I went to Caribou this morning... it’s a Friday morning ritual... 3 of us take turns in the office... today was my day.
Ok.. only two drinks today, one girl is not coming in I’m so on top of things I think to myself.
“Hi yeah, I’d like a Moosed Iced Chai, and a Northern LIghts cooler also Moosed, both large please.”
The nice young man repeats my order correctly, gives me my total and ends his sentence with the ever familiar “at your first window”
Huh.. there is only ONE window, he must be still half asleep, he should drink some of what he’s selling!
There were a few cars in front of me so I decide I should use my time wisely and made a call to the auto repair shop to try to set up an appointment for my poor little bug.
Yep...I’m doin’ good this morning... effecient!
It’s finally my turn, and I pull up hand the young man my card, he smiles and asks “Do you need a receipt?”
“Nope! I’m good thanks”
Suppressing a laugh and averting his eyes to the side he grabs the cooler and hands it to me.
“I think that’s a cooler, do you want to taste it to make sure?”
Thinking that’s a little odd because I actually ordered a cooler I obliged and said “Yep, that’s a cooler.”
“ahhh ok, I’m sorry” and he reaches for the drink back
“Huh?”
“Well, you ordered a hot drink right?”
“No, I ordered the Cooler and a Iced Chai”
“Oh!, I’m sorry just a second I’ll get that” he replied again, suppressing a laugh.
somebody must have told a good joke in there or is teasing him I think as I wait much more patiently than the stuffy business man behind me seems to be doing.
A couple of minutes later, another nice young man comes to the window bearing my Iced Chai, and hands it to me with cheeks slightly red and trying unsuccessfully to hide his smirk
What in the world is going on in there? Oh well at least they are having fun while they are at work!I think as I drive off.
I get to work drinks in hand, set them down and start to settle in... I reach up to take my sunglasses off, and then it all becomes very very clear.
This is what they were laughing at.
Yep, I’m so “together” this morning I was wearing TWO pairs of sunglasses as I confidently placed my order at Caribou.
“Butt Hole”
Originally posted Wednesday, July 18, 2007 (when boo was 3)
“Butt Hole”
Current mood: amused
***In the car after the gym driving home*****
“Mama? Did you put it in my butt hole?”
Sheer shock and wild horrible thoughts running through my head..... where did she even hear that.... who said that..... what happened ......OH MY GOD!!!!!!
***BREATHE***
“What baby? What are you talking about it?”
“That thing, did you put it in my butt hole?”
Ok, this is not going anywhere.... random horrible thoughts still running through my head along with the humor of the situation, I mean really, what three year old talks about a butt hole?... OK FOCUS... figure out what she’s talking about AND THEN laugh hysterically when it’s all about nothing, she’s spent time with people you don’t know when she was with her dad, I’m sure they are great people nothing to worry about, nothing to worry about.... did I mention my horrible imagination?
****BREATHE*****
“Baby, I don’t know what you are asking honey, I don’t understand, can you tell me differently?”
“The number mama..... did you put it in my butt hole or somewhere else?”
“OH!!!!, the number from the gym?”
“Yeah mama, where did you put it?”
“I pinned it to your shirt, and yes I put it through the BUTTON hole” (when I sign in at the gym they give us matching laminated numbers to make sure the right parent goes home with the right kid.)
Laughing hysterically (see you just have to wait for it) and breathing normally again, heart rate coming down, the article or show “Kids say the Darndest Things” pops into my head.....boy do I have a doozy for you guys!
“Butt Hole”
Current mood: amused
***In the car after the gym driving home*****
“Mama? Did you put it in my butt hole?”
Sheer shock and wild horrible thoughts running through my head..... where did she even hear that.... who said that..... what happened ......OH MY GOD!!!!!!
***BREATHE***
“What baby? What are you talking about it?”
“That thing, did you put it in my butt hole?”
Ok, this is not going anywhere.... random horrible thoughts still running through my head along with the humor of the situation, I mean really, what three year old talks about a butt hole?... OK FOCUS... figure out what she’s talking about AND THEN laugh hysterically when it’s all about nothing, she’s spent time with people you don’t know when she was with her dad, I’m sure they are great people nothing to worry about, nothing to worry about.... did I mention my horrible imagination?
****BREATHE*****
“Baby, I don’t know what you are asking honey, I don’t understand, can you tell me differently?”
“The number mama..... did you put it in my butt hole or somewhere else?”
“OH!!!!, the number from the gym?”
“Yeah mama, where did you put it?”
“I pinned it to your shirt, and yes I put it through the BUTTON hole” (when I sign in at the gym they give us matching laminated numbers to make sure the right parent goes home with the right kid.)
Laughing hysterically (see you just have to wait for it) and breathing normally again, heart rate coming down, the article or show “Kids say the Darndest Things” pops into my head.....boy do I have a doozy for you guys!
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
I learned....
Originally posted Monday, July 16, 2007
I learned....
Current mood: happy
Last night when I got back from my parents house, I took care of a few things that I’ve been neglecting...
Like what Nixie?
Well, like the mosquito farm I seem to have been growing in the backyard inside boo boo’s pool.
DISGUSTING... all those squirming baby squitos.....I didn’t even want to touch it.
Plus the army of spiders that are in my backyard all around the pool and boo boo’s sandbox!
DAMMIT!
I stood there for awhile looking at the disgusting” farm” trying to figure out how to dump it, too heavy to lift.. I could just stand on the edge and let the water drain... but... um... ewww disgusting squirming baby squitos will then be on my feet and..........
No.
No.
NO!
OOOH! I’ll just put the hose in there and eventually it will siphon itself out..... right?
Hose in pool? CHECK! I should suck on it to get the siphoning started I think.
....For a second until I look at the hose, and picture myself sucking and then getting disgusting squirmy squito babies in my MOUTH and then in my TUMMY and.......!!!
NO!
All right, we’ll just let gravity do it’s work.
Off to attack the growing spider army that’s outside the foundation of the house.
It’s like they are building their forces, to eventually just eat through the house, I mean there are those funnel webs all around the foundation on the landscape rocks. Those little bastards are watching me.. I just know it. and at this thought I shudder.
Grabbed the chemicals off the shelf and started spraying like I was a cowboy in the old westerns my dad watches all of the time. Yes siree, shootin’ from the hip, wishin’ I had two guns. Pulling the trigger so fast my hand would cramp up and then I’d just become a southpaw shooter.
Pow pow pow, and then I’d get one of those little bastards in my sight, shoot it and laugh maniacally... “ha ha ha take that you little fucker!”
At which point I turn to my right and see my daughter watching me, eyes wide in disbelief.
“Mama?”
**giggle**
“Yes, baby?”
“Whatcha doin?”
“Killin’ spiders baby.”
“Why are you laughing mama?”
“Because it makes me happy baby” God, I must look like a crazy woman.
“Ok, get em mama! GET EM!” she shouts jumping around “There’s one... there’s another one!”
I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed, and went back to check the mosquito farm situation.
Nothing. Not moving, not siphoning nadda.
“Ugh!”
“MAMA! MAMA! There’s a spider on my sandbox! GET IT! GET IT!”
“You get it” hoping she would, I really don’t want to pass my arachnophobia to her.
Crap ok, ok.. “Hang on baby”
During the time I was figuring out what to do with the mosquito farm, she had seen 6 more spiders on or in her sand box.
BASTARDS!!! YOU WILL NOT GET MY BOO!!!
I grabbed the spray and sprayed around her sandbox since it the package said it was safe for kids and pets after the spray has dried.
Ok... mosquito farm.
Ew.
I ended up using one of her plastic chairs to squash the side down and let the water drain, until it got to the point where I needed to pick it up and dump it to get the rest out.
I was thinking how smart and resourceful I was because I had managed to empty the pool without getting squirmy wormy squito babies all over me.
I had dump the last couple of gallons out, so I tried to pick it up and over, but lacking in the muscle department I could only get it up half way (minds outta the gutter boys) and then I had to hold it up, walk around to the front and pull it the rest of the way over... all the way... and I felt the cool, slimy squirmy wormy squito baby water run over the top of my feet.
I must have put the hose back together in record time to wash the disgusting farm off my legs and feet.
Finished scrubbing the scum out of the pool and stored it upside down with a chair on it to keep it from blowing away, all the while repeating my mantra... “squito babies are not burrowing into your skin to infest your body, you will not wake up or dream of looking at your legs and see a squirming mass underneath the skin.....squito babies are not burrowing.......”
Anyone want my imagination for a while?
Didn’t think so.
OK... work done, let’s have some fun.
I grabbed the pliers and moved boo boo’s bike seat up cuz she’s grown so much she actually needs a new one, but this wil do for now.
And what did I learn?
I learned that I will spray for spiders inside AND outside on time to stop the army from building.
I learned that I will empty the pool out each time boo boo uses it, instead of thinking we’ll be right back in it tomorrow, the water won’t be warm enough if I dump it each time, must keep boo from hypothermia.... but squirmy wormy squito babies are a bigger threat
And most importantly and at least more intriguing?
I learned that my tongue is somehow involved in the process of using a pliers. I can not seem to turn a nut without sticking my tongue out and in the direction it’s turning.. I even tried not to.
I learned....
Current mood: happy
Last night when I got back from my parents house, I took care of a few things that I’ve been neglecting...
Like what Nixie?
Well, like the mosquito farm I seem to have been growing in the backyard inside boo boo’s pool.
DISGUSTING... all those squirming baby squitos.....I didn’t even want to touch it.
Plus the army of spiders that are in my backyard all around the pool and boo boo’s sandbox!
DAMMIT!
I stood there for awhile looking at the disgusting” farm” trying to figure out how to dump it, too heavy to lift.. I could just stand on the edge and let the water drain... but... um... ewww disgusting squirming baby squitos will then be on my feet and..........
No.
No.
NO!
OOOH! I’ll just put the hose in there and eventually it will siphon itself out..... right?
Hose in pool? CHECK! I should suck on it to get the siphoning started I think.
....For a second until I look at the hose, and picture myself sucking and then getting disgusting squirmy squito babies in my MOUTH and then in my TUMMY and.......!!!
NO!
All right, we’ll just let gravity do it’s work.
Off to attack the growing spider army that’s outside the foundation of the house.
It’s like they are building their forces, to eventually just eat through the house, I mean there are those funnel webs all around the foundation on the landscape rocks. Those little bastards are watching me.. I just know it. and at this thought I shudder.
Grabbed the chemicals off the shelf and started spraying like I was a cowboy in the old westerns my dad watches all of the time. Yes siree, shootin’ from the hip, wishin’ I had two guns. Pulling the trigger so fast my hand would cramp up and then I’d just become a southpaw shooter.
Pow pow pow, and then I’d get one of those little bastards in my sight, shoot it and laugh maniacally... “ha ha ha take that you little fucker!”
At which point I turn to my right and see my daughter watching me, eyes wide in disbelief.
“Mama?”
**giggle**
“Yes, baby?”
“Whatcha doin?”
“Killin’ spiders baby.”
“Why are you laughing mama?”
“Because it makes me happy baby” God, I must look like a crazy woman.
“Ok, get em mama! GET EM!” she shouts jumping around “There’s one... there’s another one!”
I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed, and went back to check the mosquito farm situation.
Nothing. Not moving, not siphoning nadda.
“Ugh!”
“MAMA! MAMA! There’s a spider on my sandbox! GET IT! GET IT!”
“You get it” hoping she would, I really don’t want to pass my arachnophobia to her.
Crap ok, ok.. “Hang on baby”
During the time I was figuring out what to do with the mosquito farm, she had seen 6 more spiders on or in her sand box.
BASTARDS!!! YOU WILL NOT GET MY BOO!!!
I grabbed the spray and sprayed around her sandbox since it the package said it was safe for kids and pets after the spray has dried.
Ok... mosquito farm.
Ew.
I ended up using one of her plastic chairs to squash the side down and let the water drain, until it got to the point where I needed to pick it up and dump it to get the rest out.
I was thinking how smart and resourceful I was because I had managed to empty the pool without getting squirmy wormy squito babies all over me.
I had dump the last couple of gallons out, so I tried to pick it up and over, but lacking in the muscle department I could only get it up half way (minds outta the gutter boys) and then I had to hold it up, walk around to the front and pull it the rest of the way over... all the way... and I felt the cool, slimy squirmy wormy squito baby water run over the top of my feet.
I must have put the hose back together in record time to wash the disgusting farm off my legs and feet.
Finished scrubbing the scum out of the pool and stored it upside down with a chair on it to keep it from blowing away, all the while repeating my mantra... “squito babies are not burrowing into your skin to infest your body, you will not wake up or dream of looking at your legs and see a squirming mass underneath the skin.....squito babies are not burrowing.......”
Anyone want my imagination for a while?
Didn’t think so.
OK... work done, let’s have some fun.
I grabbed the pliers and moved boo boo’s bike seat up cuz she’s grown so much she actually needs a new one, but this wil do for now.
And what did I learn?
I learned that I will spray for spiders inside AND outside on time to stop the army from building.
I learned that I will empty the pool out each time boo boo uses it, instead of thinking we’ll be right back in it tomorrow, the water won’t be warm enough if I dump it each time, must keep boo from hypothermia.... but squirmy wormy squito babies are a bigger threat
And most importantly and at least more intriguing?
I learned that my tongue is somehow involved in the process of using a pliers. I can not seem to turn a nut without sticking my tongue out and in the direction it’s turning.. I even tried not to.
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